<3

August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 June 2005 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 November 2010

I'm so lacking energy right now.

Just lied on the downstairs couch for don't know how long and did nothing. Too tired to even watch TV. And I'm sure a lot of it is from this stupidly hot weather that we've had all summer (a good Estonian is never pleased with anything), so there's no air and you can't tell if you feel sick or it's just 'cause it's hot outside.

I practically lurched to work today, so hard to put one foot in front of the other. And repeat.

Also, I feel it's about time to figure out what I like to do.

(they're looking for cabin attendants now..)

Labels: kangae, raifu

I think it's safe to say I'm a pretty lazy person. And safe. Not liking change very much.

I'm 21 for another month or two, and still living with my mom. Lots of people have by that age already gotten their own place, driver's license, full-time job etc. I work part time, still haven't gotten around to finish driving school and yes, still having all my living expenses (water, electricity, food for half of the month) paid by someone else.

I've never been on my own. Having the 'live to work, work to live' sort of thing.

It sounds terrifying. It sounds like something I wouldn't be able to handle. Much like writing a thesis, har.

(yeah, how the fuck am I going to graduate Uni?)

Just recently I was sitting outside with my mom, and she goes
'I hope you get your dream. I hope you get to go to Japan.'
And I smiled and nodded, but I don't know if that really is my dream anymore. I wanted to go to Japan so bad cause, well, sure, I'm interested in the culture and society and I want/need my Japanese to be better if I ever want to that sort of work and you obviously learn best when you have no other option, no other language to speak, but.. right. I like Japan, but any other place would do, too. I wanted to go 'cause it seemed like the easiest choice - a reason to be there, a scholarship for yer living expenses etc. But really, anywhere else would be fine. I just want to see how life is everywhere else. If the grass is greener. More people, more experiences, more.. everything.

Right, this is a rant and not a very good one, but my point is that I'm thinking of trying to make it on my own and it's all very possible really and that's I think what makes it so terrifying. That all I have to do is take that first step. Buy that one-way ticket. Live.

Labels: arubaito, kangae, raifu, shuul

Haven't updated this in like.. forever. Mostly 'cause until recently the last real post (as in, not quiz) I had said all there was to say.

And people - or well, at least I - don't bother writing if things are going well, imho. And they are, now. I haven't been this happy and this thrilled to wake up for another day in years.

They say you should take everything in moderation, but I just can't. Overrun.

Right. Why I started writing this blog post nearly an HOUR ago was 'cause I wanted to write about the trip. 'Cause so far, when people have asked me how my trip went I just say 'wonderful' and leave it at that. And it really was wonderful and I'm terribly glad I went, but for some reason I cba to go into detail with everyone. But to anyone who's interested..

(another hour has passed)

Well, we, meaning M and I, started off with going to Latvia a few days prior to our flight to Belgium. Went to Lido, which is absolutely amazing there. Well, the food's the same, but the place itself.. wow. There was a cat show/sale there, too and one of the cats made evil faces at me. :( It was awesome. I would've taken it home if it wouldn't have cost a fortune. Stupid expensive cats.

Also went shopping and got a dress. Saw many other dresses I liked, but I'm a total jew and didn't want to pay so much money for them. Anywho.

M's grandpa (as we stayed at her grandma's) drove us to the airport in the morning and let me tell you, Ryanair's plane's are fucking horrible-looking. Like they're made of plastic. Yellow plastic. With a little ugly blue. And what they make the stewardesses wear.. *shudder* But it flew like a beaut and we all got out alive, so that's good.

L picked us up in the airport and we went to Brussels to see the Atomium, decided we didn't want to pay 10 euros just to see it from up high and went to Leuven, the awesome Uni city where L's dorm is. The few days we spent there we met A and B and drank and played pool (which I totally own at, really) and we formed Team Force Awesome with B 'cause we totally kicked A and L's asses. Well, the last game was won by The Russian Spy, as she was playing for them, but totally killed the game when she let the black one go in. :D (*thinking to the left*)

After a few days we went to Antwerp, to L's mom's. Or well, actually Wijnegem (hope I spelled that right), but it's so close by it doesn't really matter. There we drank a lot of Jenever (which is really wonderful) aaand went to see Eclipse (which was also wonderful).

In the morning of the 3rd of July we picked up F in the train station and got going towards France, where are ferry was going from. At some point F needed to pee, we stopped and missed the ferry! No, actually I blame the French with their stupid roadwork where they don't actually do anything but just close lanes off. F's peeing did make us miss the boat ride in London though, but that's me getting ahead of myself here.

Right. We missed the ferry by like half an hour, but luckily they didn't charge us extra for it and we went on the next one, two hours from then. On the England side I had to remind L to stay on the left side and was very confused myself about who should turn where. Jesus. D: It's a miracle we didn't crash at some point.

In London we stayed with U and his wife and they really are two of the most wonderful people ever, so friendly and nice. ;_; And their cute little dogs, gah!

Same day we had the Helkmeet. Around 25 people came in all. :o And they were all fucking awesome. Never leaving HELKPO. Best guild ever.

It is really quite weird how pubs in London are closed at like 2-3am. I mean, even our little pubs are open longer, no? Well, a few, anyway. I think.

On the 4th, if I remember correctly, we went to the National History Museum and the Science Museum. And even though it wasn't as hot in England as it was in Belgium (around 36 degrees), we were still feeling pretty soggy and not very interested in museum stuff. Well, at least I was like that. e_e I did like the dinosaur part, though. But the T-Rex thing was closed so we didn't get to see the big skeleton. ;_; Fail.

On the 5th we met up with J and other people from Unjit, like T and R. Went to one pub, then to another, Revolution bar, where we had a bunch of shots. At one point R decided that T should really drink one particular shot and gave him that, but left the table for a couple of moments. At that time we mixed that together with something else, hoping to make it look.. not like that shot. And more like the shot he had for himself. So he'd drink that shit. 'Cause we all knew it was the Chili one. =_= (all the other drinks R took for himself I tried to get for myself, as he seemed to be the only one who knew what he was drinking)

At that time I got a message from U who said that L's phone is almost out of juice and that we should pick him up at the tube. We left as quickly as we could, even took the tube one stop further to get to him faster, and apparently he had been waiting there for an hour.

..he was not a happy camper.

After that we looked around for an okay place to go, but everything seemed pretty fishy. We did end up going to something called.. the Oxygen bar? I think. Maybe. When that closed as well, L and M decided they had had enough and went home. I stayed with J, R and T. They looked around for a place to stay, still dragging their luggage along, but we couldn't find any, so went to the Hyde park, where we stayed most of the night, chillin', killin'. Where I punched R in the face (I'm great with people!).

In the morning we went on the tube, waited around the Victoria stop for a while, the three of them went to R's, I went to U's.. this was all at like 8am. I was so glad to see a bed at that point. All I wanted was some sleep. ;_; But no, at 9am I was woken up again and everyone wanted to start going, as we were s'posed to go on the bus tour that day. We did, with me trying to stay up best I could. I kept nodding off the whole time, though. There was a wonderful tour guide thing, though. His voice was very soothing. After that we went on the boat tour (that we missed the first time around, thanks F!), saw the bridge and all that jazz.

In the evening we went to O'Neill's, where we watched the game between Holland and Uruguay. All rooting for Holland, especially as F and T were both from there, as well. :3 J brought L along, so finally got to meet him as well. M and L came about later. After that we went our separate ways again, JTR getting on the tube, us just going home.

Bah. On one day, can't remember which one, we went to Camden Town, which is really such a big market with lots of shit, all of which I wanted to buy. I ended up spending 60 pounds in like an hour and would've spent more if I would've had all my money with me. I'm glad I didn't. Got two dresses and a pocket watch, though. And stupid red hipster glasses. Is cool.

Last day in London, the 7th, went to town with M, as L went to catch a show (Wicked). Finally found Forbidden Planet, which sells lots of cool geeky shit. Met up with JTR. Went to Trafalgar Square to scare J with pigeons. Discovered that I had been there yesterday and hadn't even known 'cause I was so sleep deprived.

Also went to see Eclipse in London, as U had bought me a ticket to go with his wife and her friend. It was still awesome. And sort of nice to be with people who actually like the series. Could be a squealy little fangirl for one night.

When I had just gotten to London, the first day, I was sort of on a 'Can't we go back to Belgium now?' vibe. By the 7th I was looking at flights, seeing if I could in any way lengthen my stay in London. Sadly, no. I was supposed to be at home by 7pm so we could get going on the ferry again, I was a little late (I sort of got lost in the tube and sort of just didn't want to part with R) and we ended up missing the ferry again. xD Got on the midnight one.

After that it was just chilling in Belgium, then went to Holland. Decided to go to Delft instead of Amsterdam, as it was closer and F lived there, so we could just drop him off at home. Well, that didn't go to well, as L ended up smoking so much he couldn't drive us back home, so F did it for him and took the train back later.

The road back home was long and tiring and I never want to do it again. Stupid Ryanair flying to stupid Latvia. Stupid 4h bus ride. Though it was sort of funny when the border control came on the bus when we were already on the Estonia side, asking to see ID. Looked at me, look at the ID, looked at me again, ID again. Didn't seem convinced, but handed it back to me. Maybe 'cause there's an almost-crying brunette on the ID picture and there was a tired, but smiling blonde in front of him.

Right. Then we were home and all I wanted to do was go back. Such wonderful people that we met on the trip, really. Do want.

Labels: raifu

It was so nice when I gave my brother a CD (the epic mix tape für my bruder) so he wouldn't have to listen to silence while driving, and he was like 'Great, but can you make me a CD where this and this is also on?' and it so happened that I'd put a lot of artists on there that he actually wanted. o_o I actually made a CD that he might actually like. Fucking score!

He ate my breakfast though (kohuke). I was not happy at all. Neither was he, when I told him he ate the only reason I had to get up in the morning.

After giving my brother the CD I went to gym for an hour and after that, muay thai. My arms are still shaking from muscle strain. x_o And oh my god, gingers are mean little bastards. Got my legs taken out from under me today by a ginger. xD

I'm such a noob at this.

That, and Starcraft. I'm so slow at building my shit that even the AI is like 'Um, can we get a move on? I've got a date tonight.'

And how stupid, me quitting my job and thinking 'Now I'm finally going to go to school properly', only to find out that this week is the last week of school. And then it's over. Then we get a week of silence and bam, exams! Well, the week will go to study for our last Japanese exam, but.. seriously, what? Last week? My timing is fucking awesome.

Seems London is back on. L and M had better prepare.

Labels: arubaito, raifu, shuul

So, today was my last day at work. But more of that later.

Right now there's one thing that every time I think about it, I start laughing. And I know it's very mean and unladylike and just plain awful, but I can't help it, I find it hilarious. And that's what my last post was about. I actually had a Fight Club-ish moment.

So yesterday a bunch of us were at J's place, after L took us out to Olde Hansa. It was very generous of him, but I did feel bad about his money. When we were leaving and the waiter said "see you again!", J and me exchanged a look, thinking "yeah, how about no".

Anyway. There was water pipe and rum at J's, and at one point L dared me to punch him. I did, twice, but both were rather gently, as well.. I don't really want to hurt a friend. Or myself, for that matter. By the end of the evening he was going all "You hit like a girl", and dared me again. Well, I couldn't just as well turn him down, could I? So I got up, took my rings off and took a swing. The first one he dodged, and I didn't think he would, so I was rather surprised and threw another quick one, which connected with his ear instead of his face. He was all "Why the ear?!" and I was laughing and kind of sad at the same time, ear is such a pointlessly hurty place and judging from my hand, I only hit it with one knuckle (which M told me to put ice on, lest it swell).

L, being an officer in Helkpo, said he'd Cock-rank me for a week. x_o Oh well. Hopefully he won't think that all the boys in Estonia are gay and all the girls want to beat the shit out of him.

*chuckles to self*

And yes, quit my job. Lack of time, health issues, unbearable stress.. just couldn't do it anymore. I can't do it, captain, I don't have the power!

Maybe now I can finally get my driver's license, eh eh?

And study. I don't want to fail the last Japanese exam we have to do. That would be fucking stupid.

I hate the mask (metaphorical one, though now that I think about it, putting on my Guy Fawkes mask would be awesome xD) I put on when talking to certain people, especially when I should be myself. Even the shirt I have on now says 'be as you are' and.. really. Can't. Love to, but can't. Stuck in my own head.

I want my own car. And then I can blast all the music I want, yeaah!

This is the end of retardocat. Let's have a moment of silence.

Labels: arubaito, kangae, kuruma, raifu, shuul

Narrator: Whoa, wait, this is crazy. You want me to hit you?
Tyler Durden: That's right.
Narrator: What, like in the face?
Tyler Durden: Surprise me.
Narrator: This is so fucking stupid...
[Narrator swings, connects against Tyler's head]
Tyler Durden: Motherfucker! You hit me in the ear!
Narrator: Well, Jesus, I'm sorry.
Tyler Durden: Ow, Christ... why the ear, man?
Narrator: Guess I fucked it up...
Tyler Durden: No, that was perfect!

Labels: dikteeshon, raifu

How much are we what our genes tell us to be and our time of birth (zodiac) makes us? How much are we what we make of ourselves? How much do the things we've gone through affect us?

How do we let go of what we think we ought to be like?

I've always been awful tense. 'Reserved' goes under that. I just can't bring myself to let go and have fun. For me the fun part comes after all is clear and set and in my control. I realize that's no way to be, and I *want* to relax, but..

Frustrating.

Last time I did something not much like myself was when I fell out of love. Now it's 'cause of the opposite reason.

Silly me.

In other news, while I went to work to get some money together, it is terribly tiring and I can hardly do my own hours. And so, when I'm called and asked to come in, I really, *REALLY* don't want to, 'cause I've got my own stuff to do and the only time I have to do it - and maybe to relax, eh? - would be taken away. My health has gotten worse (thankfully I got my doc's time to an earlier date) and the stress of constantly being in this fucking race to try and do everything - school, work, driving school (haven't found ANY time for it lately, but it's hanging over my head like an axe) - is really wearing me down.

What I don't like is getting a guilt trip like this. I can't. I really can't.

Is also interesting how people you've been together with a long time change, after yer relationship changes. Gets sort of a mean edge to it. Sad.

Maybe I ought to quit while I'm ahead? On all accounts.

I ought to get to studying. Kanji exam tomorrow.

Labels: kangae, kuruma, raifu, shuul

Secret dates with strangers
Dirty words and fighting talk
I'm so scared it's killed me
Time and time again

Spent the last weekend in Tartu. Celebrated M's birthday and on Sat got together with people I hadn't seen for.. 5 years? Horrible, 'cause they're wonderful people and I really should take the effort to visit them more often.

Life has been.. interesting recently. New exciting people.

Labels: dikteeshon, raifu

Do people change?

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.

I've thought they don't. They might show another side in another situation, with different people, but that's just the other side to them. But.. I don't even recognize me anymore.

I used to think I was loyal. Truthful. Loving. And I've been quite the opposite of that as of late. And I don't like it one bit.

Remember when I was
So strange and likable

I just want back in your head
I just want back in your head
I'm not unfaithful but I'll stray

When I get a little scared

  It would make sense that we grow up, and that means losing some traits. Or maybe pushing them to the back of your mind, never to be used again. I think I used to like drama. I mean, it'd be horrible and SO INTERESTING at the same time.

I haven't liked drama for years, though. It's so bothersome, I'd just like things to be calm and nice. Interesting, sure, but in a different, less destructive way. And yet somehow with my overemotional unstable self, I create situations of drama. And I hate myself for it after. No, during. And still am unable to stop.

There's nothing to live for when I'm sleeping alone
And I wash the windows outside in hopes that the glare will bring you around
I- I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me
I- I feel like you wouldn't like me if you met me
So don't you worry there's still time
Don't you worry there's still time
Don't you worry there's still time
Don't you worry there's still time
Sunshine is days away I won't be saved I know all the words
I can't say that I'll love you forever

 Each morning I hope I wake up as a better person. I'm trying to, really.

Labels: kangae, raifu

I don't believe in coincidences much anymore. I believe everything we do, every book/article/back of a juice box we read, every road we take in stead of another one is to lead us up to where we are supposed to end up. I believe in fate. Now, a hobo's fate wasn't to become a hobo, but he did anyway. Because he didn't take the choices that were given to him. Instead of rising from the dust like a phoenix, he fell and stayed down. What happens to us is what is supposed to define us as us and to prepare us for what's coming. What's meant for us.

I'm not religious. Maybe I used to be a tiiiiny bit as a child, when I prayed to god at night, hoping that the aliens wouldn't take me when I was sleeping.

Maybe X-Files WAS a bad influence on a young  mind..

I've been very lucky thus far. I have a roof over my head, wonderful friends, I'm in Uni, just started working (at a time when work is not all that easy to find) and I still possibly have my life ahead of me. Now, if I could only use my time right.

It takes me a lot to understand that I don't need other people to tell me what I'm like. I ought to know myself.

Labels: kangae, raifu

All the bloodwork and the samples and the x-rays were totally worth the trip I took to actually send off the documents for the scholarship.

So today was the last day and I went to the post office to get stamps and an envelope and well, get my shit in the mail. When I asked how long it would take to get there, they said it'd probably be there by tomorrow. Well, I should've figured. I kind of did, but I really didn't feel up to sending the documents yesterday, as I spilled some Coke on one paper and had to replace it etc etc. So. I decided to go put it in the right mailbox personally. I had previously checked the address, but somehow mixed up the numbers in my head. The index ended with '25' and the real address was '13a', so I was looking for house no 25a. Yeah, I'm a fucking genius. Well, I map adventured quite a bit, going to the farthest corner in that area, when it had been meters from where I first thought it was. I liked looking for it, though. Walking around a place I hadn't really been before, the sun shining. And it was even more rewarding when I finally found the mailbox. I mean, now I've really fought for my place, right!

..I should've studied, like M did.

I also realized that even though it doesn't seem like it at first, green grass will pop out from under all that snow and broken hearts do mend. Just need a little patience.

Labels: kangae, raifu, shuul

I'm awful at being alone. It's like I need relationships to give me a purpose. I need to love. Not just to be loved, but to really head-over-heels love someone. I used to do a lot of pointless online tests, but I remember one in particular. The question was something like 'what makes you tick' or 'what motivates you' or something, but my result was nothing other than love. Silly, really.

I should find something better to do with my life, but my way of thinking is old-fashioned in that way. It won't matter where I am, what I'm doing, if I'm with someone I truly love.

I find it funny how I read something that I find clever and I think to myself 'no need to write it down, of course I'll remember it' and the next day the only thing I remember is that I read something I found clever.

I find it interesting how first love never really fades away. Even if you don't speak to the other person for months, mayhap years, and then when you suddenly meet up, your heart starts beating faster and you feel a sort of.. wonderful nostalgia. And indeed wonderful, even if it was full of hurt and hate all those years back. You may not be interested in them at all, and still feel love by default towards them. If anything, it reminds you you have loved and you can love again, you're not an empty apathetic shell of yourself.


Or we can keep chilling like ice cream filling
We can be cool in the gang if you'd rather hang

Today's a little better than yesterday.

Labels: dikteeshon, kangae, raifu

I'm not good at being responsible. I'm not actually so much against doing work, but I'm worried that if I'm left to it on my own, I'll fuck something up. And when I'm working in the kitchen, I'm responsible for things going smooth. That there's enough rice ready, dishes clean, etc. And that makes me worry some. Also, if I'm left to take care of the house. Please!

Sadness finds me at odd times. When I'm putting a bowl that had chips in it to the washer or filling up the ice tray thing or choosing which tea to drink.

Had to go to work at 9am to listen about hygiene for three hours. Came home, slept. Now, in the evening, have to go to work again 'cause of some sort of meeting. At 10:30pm! Hesus.

A bunch of us went to see Alice in Wonderland yesterday. Though half of us were pointlessly 6 rows away from us. What the shit. Oh, and Alice was really pretty boring. Sure, pretty scenes, nice CGI, but I've even enjoyed Michael Bay movies more. They're pretty too, but have hotter chicks (Megan Fox!).

I need to study. I'd wait until my bad mood passes and I feel like studying, but I don't think that'll be anyday soon. And I've got another kanji test on Thursday. ToT 'Cause the last one went so well, right.

Labels: arubaito, raifu, shuul

Suddenly I'm very tired.

I woke up this morning with a massive tummy ache - that after a bad dream. That after a break-up.

The day went well, if to count out me making a complete fool of myself in Japanese, not knowing what was being asked of me. After that school friends and M came here, we played Memory and Labyrinth (yes, board games! they are wonderful), ate some horrible pizza and wonderful cake.

There's something wrong with my blood and my EKG, but apparently well enough.

I went through SC, hoping to get some food or anything, chipping in for the present and all, but no. Talked some, paid for my food and then came home. On my street, very close to my house, I saw a dog on the road. I actually stepped into someone else's yard and called B, 'cause I'm just.. so fucking scared of dogs. I can't help it. When I got home, my heart was beating in my throat and I cried a little. Fear is horrible.

Now, sitting here all alone, the fun seeps out and the sad seeps in. Why is it so hard even when you know it's the right decision?

Thankfully now that I've started working again, it shouldn't be that hard to keep myself busy. Busybusybusy.

And yet, I'm horribly lazy. I don't want to work. Clean. Study. Be awake.

Labels: arubaito, raifu, shuul

Today in keigo we talked about the more "male" words, which would sound weird when spoken by a female. Also talked about men in saunas and how they talk and act one way when they're just between guys and a completely different manner when women are present.

Also learned some grammar where in one sentence it meant to "stop thinking", just sort of pull a curtain down in front. Brain draining empty of thought.

There's a dead bird drawn on my Japanese homework (part of the exercise, apparently). I can't concentrate enough to find out why exactly.

So today I went to the doc, got my blood pressure measured and got an EKG and stuff. Tomorrow - X-ray and blood.. stuff. I'm finally going to find out what blood type I am! For a price (dun dun duuuun).

I'm probably going to faint, too.

I really am naturally foolish.

Labels: raifu, shuul

Haha, mu postkasti jõudsid Hesburgeri kupongid. Mis minu jaoks naljakas on, on nende nö. reklaamlause - Tõeliselt maitsekas. Yeah. Fucking classy alright.

I almost choked on a painkiller yesterday.

I now have glasses. I have a driving exam today. I might get a job. My tummy aches a lot right now, mostly from the nerves. I can't dance to save my life, and I'm thinking of going back to muay thai. I like Ryan Seacrest, he seems nice. Yeah.

Labels: kuruma, raifu

I'm so grateful for my brother. See, I'm ill and since I don't really want to go outside into the cold to buy food, I called my brother and asked if he could provide me with pizza. He said yes and about 15 minutes later I got the biggest pizza they've got, along with salad and a very tasty chocolate cake (*munches on cake*). Now I'm full of food and feeling fine. Verging on happy.

I've got jam all over me. -_- Yesterday M came to my place, we made some pancakes and scared each other with stories of ghosts and stuff. Then watched 'One missed call' again (the Japanese version), and that ending STILL doesn't make sense, seriously. What the fuck? At the end of the movie V came over as well, we sat around for a while longer and then I was left alone in the creaking house, fortunately not for long, as B came home later, too. I very much enjoyed my Saturday.

Friday was a total joke, however. I went to try out for another job and I'm starting to think the people who pull the strings there don't really like me much. The job doesn't really need any skills whatsoever and still they were like "Uh, we'll call you". Yeah, right.

After that I was sort of pissy and decided I'd very much like a bottle of Schweppes' Ginger Ale and a bar of chocolate. Thought, since I'd wait for B at his place, I'd go through Stockmann. I got there at 20:59. The food store closes at 21:00. My god, what great timing! So went to Solaris instead.. even though I was almost at his place, I was not letting go of my Ginger Ale dream now. Got it and got to his place, freezing. Played some Bayonetta and ended up at my place later.

What a time to fall ill. The new semester's barely started and I've missed half of the classes already, mostly on Mondays and Tuesdays. I've had problems with my gums, then had to go to driving lessons instead, and now I'm ill and it would be wise to stay home for another few days. Then again, I really should go to school..

Anywho. I don't know about the rest, but I'm glad I have such wonderful friends and family. Thank you. I love you guys.

Labels: raifu, shuul

How do I stop hating myself?

Labels: raifu

Monday was a bad day for me. M and I were s'posed to go to the gym, but she slept in, so I decided to just go buy some hair color (no way I'm going to yoga alone, psh). So I bought one dye that was s'posed to take the yellowness out of my hair. Let's say that it did a half-assed job AND too good of a job. The back of my hair is still the same peach it was before, because it was apparently too dark to change. The front turned a light purple shade of grey. Man, I look 80. Those old people always have slightly purple hair, fuck!

Actually I've gotten pretty used to it now myself, even though I don't like how uneven it is. But when mom came home, she took one look at my hair and called our hair stylist. 8D We're going to her on Friday, to dye my hair something normal. Maybe.

Tuesday M and I went to a dance class.. thing, at the end of which we danced a little reggaeton. And even though I have two left feet (expression-wise, not actually freak legs, I swear), I really-really like that dance style. D: Hawt.

Hopefully going again tomorrow.

Today I had another driving lesson. I wasn't really looking forward to it, 'cause.. I feel that I've learned as much as I possibly can and I'm just not doing a good enough of a job at driving. And yet.. the instructor asked me if I want to keep on driving or go to an exam now (after the lesson). I was like fuck yeaah. I'm still pretty fucking lousy at those roundabouts, so gonna do those tomorrow and see what I should do after that.

Would love to be done with the exams and have my license already. x_o (not that I'd have any car to drive with, anyway)

Want school already. Though if I'm going to take the courses I'm planning to, most mornings I'll have to be at school from 10AM. 10AM! ToT Good-bye sleep.

I worked out for like 3 hours yesterday and the only thing that hurt today was my head. Very strange. But now I'm starting to feel my muscles..

Right. Enough of boring banter.

Labels: kuruma, raifu, shuul

'The breaking of the tet,' Callahan mused. 'Not the death of your friend, but the breaking of the tet. I wonder if your friends know what sort of man you are, Roland?'
'They know', Roland said, and on that subject said no more.
-'Wolves of the Calla', Stephen King

I'm very much in love with Roland's character. The Dark Tower series isn't all that interesting (well, parts where they visit New York and, y'know, 'our world' in general, are sort of dull for me), but Roland is wonderful.

I don't like compromises. As an idea I think it's a very faulty one. They say a compromise is when both get what they want, but usually it just means that nobody gets what they want. And that bothers me greatly.

All exams are done (well, I only had three anyway). Got P (for passed), a B and.. don't know what I'm getting for semiotics (would very much like to know tho.. -_-;; ). Soon a new semester will start. A few days ago I destroyed brain cells by trying to figure out what courses I should take. 8D

WoW is still as addictive as ever. But I love my lock. Luffffff.

Labels: dikteeshon, raifu, shuul