3T

Honest to God I'll break your heart

Dec 8, 2009 || 18:09

..tear you to pieces and rip you apart

I've been reading the Dark Tower series again. The main character is Roland, a gunslinger, who is in search of said tower. And on the road he befriends some people who he grows to care for and love.. and yet he wouldn't think twice about sacrificing them, if that was what was required to get a step closer to the Dark Tower. A real cold streak in him. It also shines out when he needs to shoot people - he doesn't think about it, just lets his hands do the work with the guns on his hips. Killed every man, woman and child in Tull. No remorse.

I'm not HALF as cool as Roland, but I do feel I have a cold streak in me as well. I don't know what my Dark Tower is - I guess whatever thing that I think I need at that point in time. Sure I care about people - I've got the most wonderful friends one could have, how could I not? But there's like a switch. And at the flick of that switch, I suddenly feel.. nothing. Except maybe annoyance, because the situation can be bothersome. I'm hot-headed and cold-hearted. Heh.

And I'm not saying this in a "god, I hate myself" sort of way. I mean, even though it has brought (and in future will bring) me trouble in relation/friend/etc-ships, I like it. It tastes sweet to me. Clear. I like clear. Emotions are always so confusing.

'You won't let me drop this time?'
'No,' Roland said. 'Not this time, not ever again.' But in the deepest darkness of his heart, he thought of the Tower and wondered.

'Sometimes I hate you, big white man.'
Roland placed the heels of his hands against his forehead and pressed hard. 'Sometimes I hate myself.'
'Don't ever stop you, though, do it?'

-'The Waste Lands', Stephen King

Labels: dikteeshon, raifu