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August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 June 2005 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 November 2010

The fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.

 Dude, you have no idea.

Labels: dikteeshon

I think I'm going to name my toe. My right foot's middle toe, to be exact. 'Cause it has been a huge douche today and I think it deserves a name so I could badmouth it. Anyone got a good douchey name?

I accidentally (yeah, well, who would do it on purpose anyway?) hit my foot against a chair and yeah, it hurt like a motherfucker, but I always hit my hip or head or foot against something, so I thought it'd pass within a half hour anyway. Well, it didn't and today I still couldn't walk right, 'cause it hurt too much to put pressure on that foot. So B's mom and dad ended up taking me to the doc's, 'cause my own mom was out of town and my brother was swamped with work (he *did* send me a huge pizza, 'cause I couldn't just as well go out and buy food on my own, so <3). Running about there took an hour, but as it turns out, all for naught. There's nothing broken, nothing fractured, just hit it hard. Now I mostly just have to wait a few days for the swelling and pain to go away. Is all.

I *did* see M's mom there and even though she smiled the whole time, she scares me. Very much so.

Now I couldn't go through with any of the plans I had for today - going to the airport, to my driving lesson or to M's and E's farewell party. Now they'll be off to Japan and I'll probably never see them again. ToT

Fucking toe. I'd hurt it if it weren't hurting already.

Labels: raifu

Went to see Avatar in 3D yesterday. The  movie itself is pure eyecandy and there was a true Lion King moment in there too (the bastards, trying to make the movie-goers cry!), but the 3D first made me sick, then my eyes burn and gave me a massive headache for the rest of the day that took 3 painkillers and some sleep to get rid of. I'd like to watch it again (maybe skip the Lion King part).. in wonderful 2D.

On Friday a bunch of us went to M's place to chill and play board games and bake cakes that don't come out right. 8D Everything tasted great, but looked absolutely monstrous. I laughed until I almost choked, when M talked about the 'slack jaw' that choir people need to have. Aw, you were just making it worse with every sentence.. and this is why we love you. x) <3

Biffy Clyro is.. pretty good. Or maybe I'm just being taken in by their beautiful Scottish accent.

So right now I'm just drinking some tea, eating some rum cake and hoping for a good evening. Oh yeah, and studying for the theory exam in hopes of becoming Estonia's Next Top Driver (that shouldn't be too hard *rolleyes*). And finally, after a whole week of nothing, tomorrow I've got another driving lesson. ^^ *rejoice*

Should start watching Jersey Shore. Looks retarded enough.

Labels: kuruma, raifu

God it's seriously fucking cold outside. I actually thought for a moment today that I would not be able to get inside the house, 'cause my fingers were frozen and searching for my keys was absolutely excrutiating. I don't get it. I'ts only like -12C outside and I can't feel my hands and feet after 5 minutes of being outside. I've been outside with double that cold weather and been fine.. I think. I might have lost feeling in my face..

I wish I'd live somewhere warmer. Then again, that would mean deadly spiders, too, probably. Surprisingly enough, I miss Spain. Though it was cold the week we were there, too. xD

We had the kanji exam that I studied for from morning til night today. Didn't.. go so well. It's fine when  you have to write the pronunciation for kanjis, but not when you have to write the kanjis based on simple hiragana.. with no hint of what it could mean. It's near impossible for me.

Don't want to go outside no more.

Labels: raifu, shuul

Today a FB application told me that my year 2010 is going to be like 2005 was. And you know FB never lies. xD But it just made me want to look back at what 2005 WAS like. My blog was at another place at that time, so I can't read any posts from that year, but I do remember that it started off miserably and was almost okay at the very end (not really). December of '05 was when I was as sick as I've ever been, having tonsillitis and a fever that almost reached 40C. Yeah, no.

Still studying. Still not going to driving school, 'cause I'm not done with kanjis yet. Gah, can't waste time!

Labels: raifu

Today has not been a good day. I've angered others (and myself) and I'm not feeling very well at all.

Labels: raifu

Today I realized my hair color is here to stay. I dyed it and the only part that actually took the color in were the roots that had grown out a bit. Everything else stayed the same. It's amazing! And fucking annoying. That just means that I'm going to *have* to spend a fortune at the hairstylist if I want to dye my hair. My scalp hurts.

Labels: raifu

Fuck, what crappy cold weather. I hate snow. I'd rather go outside when all this is gone (see you guys in April?) But yeah, exams and school and shit. The only thing winter brings is sickness - which, apparently, only I'm afraid of. May it be swine flu or just the 'regular' one - flu's dangerous. And a sentence like 'hey, only old people and children die from it' doesn't console me much. 'Cause y'know, there's one missing from that list - people with weak immune systems. And as I'm still having a bit of trouble with my health.. I'm not interested in taking those chances. So, sorry M. (another one! he doesn't read my blog, tho, methinks) - as much as I would've liked to see you, don't want to get sick.

Ow. Tummyache (SEE? DO YOU SEE?).

The end of the year has crept up quite suddenly, actually. Sure, it's still the 13th, however - school's out (fooor summer! schoool's out foorever!) by the 18th already.. which just leaves one week. And there's a loooot of stuff piled up already. Semiotics, Allik's materials, driving school exams, kanji exam.. fuck my life. This is what happens when yer a lazy fuck like me.

I want cocoa.

Labels: kuruma, raifu, shuul

George Clooney is fucking hot. Now I want to see "Up in the Air". Also, maybe "Brothers".

Yesterday's party was.. awesome. M.'s school had a Christmas party and she took me along. Her coursemates are.. interesting. Who would've known there *are* more cool people in Tallinn? Maybe this country isn't too small after all.

I have been thinking a lot lately about wanting to get out of the country, travel around the world and stuff. I s'pose it doesn't sound much like me, but again, I think I've been so caught up in what I've thought I'm like, I haven't noticed the changes. Guess time does do something to people.

And I don't even just mean Japan, not really. I thought it'd be the easiest place to get to (well, not quite), as our school has that exchange program, but I'd very much like to see the US and Australia and Scotland.. It's a pity I'm not graduating this year - then I could start really thinking about that and planning. Then again, I'm hoping our Smartproof Deskies plan concerning the ole US.

There's a considerably important exam on Thursday, so I think I really should stop procrastinating and get to studying.

Labels: raifu, shuul

Japanese homework has gotten surprisingly hard. Maybe because I've been falling behind a lot on it. We have a sheet of sentences, half in Japanese, half in Estonian and then we have to translate them. And translating Estonian to Japanese is fine - sometimes I don't find all the words, but at least I understand what they want from me, right? Obviously not the case with Japanese. SO much grammar stuck together, I translate all the words and *still* don't get it (and you never will, ha-ha). Well, at least I'm trying now. I want to pass the test in January. I haven't really had much motivation to study for.. months now. I don't get the same happy feeling anymore. When I first started Uni I sometimes just sat there with a stupid grin on my face and thought - I'm actually sitting here.. studying JAPANESE. Something new, interesting. Speshul. I don't get that anymore. I suppose it's gotten harder, there's more to memorize and all that takes the fun away. I used to love studying kanjis most about Japanese. 'Cause they were so easy to memorize! Now we take around twenty kanjis at once, they're all very specific and somehow I find myself thinking - when am I ever going to use THIS? And as we're supposed to know about - let me check - about 600 kanjis by now.. there's so much! There's not enough gigs in my brain to fit all this! And yet, we still don't know enough to even read a lousy newspaper.

Man, I do enjoy writing in English though. I wonder if it's going to bother some people, but I hate writing half in one language and half in another (whereas 80%-20% is totally fine, desho?) and that's what I was doing. And my thoughts flow more.. easily. In English. In Estonian my mind just gets stuck. In a strange sort of way, English inspires me. Huh.

And I'm sure I make mistakes, probably a lot of them, when using English. I feel even that skill has gone down a bit since high school (definitely my Estonian has). However. That is irrelevant. Just bear with me, will you? (It's unBEARable!)

Oh, I had another driving lesson today. And for the first time I got to go driving in real traffic. With cars and shit, you dig? And I LOVED it. Sure, I made some mistakes - being to slow in some instances, forgetting what I'm supposed to do in those traffic.. circle.. things, and so on, but.. it was great. I smiled to myself many times. I'm surprised at how much I like driving. I just hope I can pass those exams when the time comes, though (and that's not all that far away).

So AFTER the driving lesson I went through New Yorker, where I found the most gorgeous bag I've ever seen.. I thought long and hard, but I just couldn't NOT buy it. It would've haunted my dreams and then I would've returned to the store and found that it's been bought and I would've regretted it forevah. I'm sure. Merry Christmas to me! Best present ever. Christmas is the time of giving, right?

Beh, I feel a bit nauseous. But at least my tummy doesn't ache anymore. Beeehhhhh.

I'm watching a j-drama called Attention Please at the moment.. and it makes me want to become a stewardess (do they use that word anymore? At some point I heard they changed it to something more.. *appropriate*. Meh. They use 'cabin attendant' in the j-drama xD). Serving some tea in the sky. xD (way to downgrade it, son!)

Yeah. Feels good to write.

Labels: kuruma, raifu, shuul

..tear you to pieces and rip you apart

I've been reading the Dark Tower series again. The main character is Roland, a gunslinger, who is in search of said tower. And on the road he befriends some people who he grows to care for and love.. and yet he wouldn't think twice about sacrificing them, if that was what was required to get a step closer to the Dark Tower. A real cold streak in him. It also shines out when he needs to shoot people - he doesn't think about it, just lets his hands do the work with the guns on his hips. Killed every man, woman and child in Tull. No remorse.

I'm not HALF as cool as Roland, but I do feel I have a cold streak in me as well. I don't know what my Dark Tower is - I guess whatever thing that I think I need at that point in time. Sure I care about people - I've got the most wonderful friends one could have, how could I not? But there's like a switch. And at the flick of that switch, I suddenly feel.. nothing. Except maybe annoyance, because the situation can be bothersome. I'm hot-headed and cold-hearted. Heh.

And I'm not saying this in a "god, I hate myself" sort of way. I mean, even though it  has brought (and in future will bring) me trouble in relation/friend/etc-ships, I like it. It tastes sweet to me. Clear. I like clear. Emotions are always so confusing.

'You won't let me drop this time?'
'No,' Roland said. 'Not this time, not ever again.' But in the deepest darkness of his heart, he thought of the Tower and wondered.

'Sometimes I hate you, big white man.'
Roland placed the heels of his hands against his forehead and pressed hard. 'Sometimes I hate myself.'
'Don't ever stop you, though, do it?'

-'The Waste Lands', Stephen King

Labels: dikteeshon, raifu

The Servant on ikka väga hea. Ma vahepeal muretsesin endale lugusid, aga siis suutsin folderi ära kaotada. 8D Alles eile kogemata sattusin peale, üritades Echofoni koledat logo ära vahetada (to .J: it's still ugly - I fail).

Kõht on rummikooki (keeksi?) täis. Mmm.

Täna korjasime emaga õues õunu ja lehti kokku. Naabrid on endale taaskord uue kutsu muretsenud, seekord suurema koera (neil on kaks mingi eriti mini ka) ja kui me aiale lähemal käruga jamasime, siis ta tuli ka vaatama ja saba liputama. Ja ta oli niiii armas. Nii tahaks endale ka. Just suuremat koera, none of those annoying little shits. D:

Ah, ma tunnen Stefist puudust. ._. Oleks ühte piltigi.

Nähtavasti järgmine esmaspäev on ühe jaapani keele asemel kaks. :D Sest õppejõud ei ole suutnud küllalt kiiresti asju läbi võtta meiega. Hmh. My sleepytime. ;_;

Ma tunnen J&C'st kirjutamisest puudust.


I was reading a magazine in someone's bedroom
And I thought
You're just so fine to me

Shall we liquefy
Oh you and I
And vanish into the sea?

Labels: dikteeshon, raifu, shuul

Haa, fix'd. Nii hästi kui oskasin, enivei.

Täna ikkagi autokooli ei lähe, liiga suur väsimus peal.

Kay. Study now, talk later.

Labels: kuruma, raifu, shuul

See on nüüd see, et ilu jaoks peab kannatama - blogivälimus kangesti meeldib, aga ta on classic layout'is, tähendab, et kõik käib manuaalselt. What a pain.

Eelmises postis ütlesin, et ei taha haigeks jääda ja ometi.. homme igaks juhuks kooli ei lähe. Samas homme õhtul on autokool ka ja seda ei tahaks vahele jätta..

Ma konkreetselt lehkan küüslaugu järgi. Sai nii hommikul kui õhtul seda näost sisse aetud. And it's sooo GOOD.

Yeah, and no comments.

Ma tõesti peaks magama minema. I'll fix this tomorrow.

Labels: raifu

Aa käed värisevad. Ja ühes on pitsa (Pizzapoisid!). Väga raske kirjutada.

Okay, done.

Labels: kuruma, raifu

 ..but I've never caught a glimpse

Imelik on, kui arvad, et inimene ihub vaikselt sinu peale hammast ja siis teda nähes näib ta liiga katkine, et millegi taolise peale üldse oma energiat raisata.

Es tut mir leid.

Labels: raifu