3T

2010-11-04T23:40:00.000+02:00

ねえ、ナナ。

夢が叶うことと幸せになることはどうして別のものなんだろう？

2010-08-31T11:44:00.002+03:00

They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

2010-08-18T23:17:00.004+03:00

sunshine

lollipops and

rainbows

Little did I know

2010-08-08T17:47:00.000+03:00

I'm so lacking energy right now.

Just lied on the downstairs couch for don't know how long and did nothing. Too tired to even watch TV. And I'm sure a lot of it is from this stupidly hot weather that we've had all summer (a good Estonian is never pleased with anything), so there's no air and you can't tell if you feel sick or it's just 'cause it's hot outside.

I practically lurched to work today, so hard to put one foot in front of the other. And repeat.

Also, I feel it's about time to figure out what I like to do.

(they're looking for cabin attendants now..)

Not Scared, Terrified

2010-07-29T20:20:00.000+03:00

I think it's safe to say I'm a pretty lazy person. And safe. Not liking change very much.

I'm 21 for another month or two, and still living with my mom. Lots of people have by that age already gotten their own place, driver's license, full-time job etc. I work part time, still haven't gotten around to finish driving school and yes, still having all my living expenses (water, electricity, food for half of the month) paid by someone else.

I've never been on my own. Having the 'live to work, work to live' sort of thing.

It sounds terrifying. It sounds like something I wouldn't be able to handle. Much like writing a thesis, har.

(yeah, how the fuck am I going to graduate Uni?)

Just recently I was sitting outside with my mom, and she goes
'I hope you get your dream. I hope you get to go to Japan.'
And I smiled and nodded, but I don't know if that really is my dream anymore. I wanted to go to Japan so bad cause, well, sure, I'm interested in the culture and society and I want/need my Japanese to be better if I ever want to that sort of work and you obviously learn best when you have no other option, no other language to speak, but.. right. I like Japan, but any other place would do, too. I wanted to go 'cause it seemed like the easiest choice - a reason to be there, a scholarship for yer living expenses etc. But really, anywhere else would be fine. I just want to see how life is everywhere else. If the grass is greener. More people, more experiences, more.. everything.

Right, this is a rant and not a very good one, but my point is that I'm thinking of trying to make it on my own and it's all very possible really and that's I think what makes it so terrifying. That all I have to do is take that first step. Buy that one-way ticket. Live.

Trippin'

2010-07-19T00:35:00.000+03:00

Haven't updated this in like.. forever. Mostly 'cause until recently the last real post (as in, not quiz) I had said all there was to say.

And people - or well, at least I - don't bother writing if things are going well, imho. And they are, now. I haven't been this happy and this thrilled to wake up for another day in years.

They say you should take everything in moderation, but I just can't. Overrun.

Right. Why I started writing this blog post nearly an HOUR ago was 'cause I wanted to write about the trip. 'Cause so far, when people have asked me how my trip went I just say 'wonderful' and leave it at that. And it really was wonderful and I'm terribly glad I went, but for some reason I cba to go into detail with everyone. But to anyone who's interested..

(another hour has passed)

Well, we, meaning M and I, started off with going to Latvia a few days prior to our flight to Belgium. Went to Lido, which is absolutely amazing there. Well, the food's the same, but the place itself.. wow. There was a cat show/sale there, too and one of the cats made evil faces at me. :( It was awesome. I would've taken it home if it wouldn't have cost a fortune. Stupid expensive cats.

Also went shopping and got a dress. Saw many other dresses I liked, but I'm a total jew and didn't want to pay so much money for them. Anywho.

M's grandpa (as we stayed at her grandma's) drove us to the airport in the morning and let me tell you, Ryanair's plane's are fucking horrible-looking. Like they're made of plastic. Yellow plastic. With a little ugly blue. And what they make the stewardesses wear.. *shudder* But it flew like a beaut and we all got out alive, so that's good.

L picked us up in the airport and we went to Brussels to see the Atomium, decided we didn't want to pay 10 euros just to see it from up high and went to Leuven, the awesome Uni city where L's dorm is. The few days we spent there we met A and B and drank and played pool (which I totally own at, really) and we formed Team Force Awesome with B 'cause we totally kicked A and L's asses. Well, the last game was won by The Russian Spy, as she was playing for them, but totally killed the game when she let the black one go in. :D (*thinking to the left*)

After a few days we went to Antwerp, to L's mom's. Or well, actually Wijnegem (hope I spelled that right), but it's so close by it doesn't really matter. There we drank a lot of Jenever (which is really wonderful) aaand went to see Eclipse (which was also wonderful).

In the morning of the 3rd of July we picked up F in the train station and got going towards France, where are ferry was going from. At some point F needed to pee, we stopped and missed the ferry! No, actually I blame the French with their stupid roadwork where they don't actually do anything but just close lanes off. F's peeing did make us miss the boat ride in London though, but that's me getting ahead of myself here.

Right. We missed the ferry by like half an hour, but luckily they didn't charge us extra for it and we went on the next one, two hours from then. On the England side I had to remind L to stay on the left side and was very confused myself about who should turn where. Jesus. D: It's a miracle we didn't crash at some point.

In London we stayed with U and his wife and they really are two of the most wonderful people ever, so friendly and nice. ;_; And their cute little dogs, gah!

Same day we had the Helkmeet. Around 25 people came in all. :o And they were all fucking awesome. Never leaving HELKPO. Best guild ever.

It is really quite weird how pubs in London are closed at like 2-3am. I mean, even our little pubs are open longer, no? Well, a few, anyway. I think.

On the 4th, if I remember correctly, we went to the National History Museum and the Science Museum. And even though it wasn't as hot in England as it was in Belgium (around 36 degrees), we were still feeling pretty soggy and not very interested in museum stuff. Well, at least I was like that. e_e I did like the dinosaur part, though. But the T-Rex thing was closed so we didn't get to see the big skeleton. ;_; Fail.

On the 5th we met up with J and other people from Unjit, like T and R. Went to one pub, then to another, Revolution bar, where we had a bunch of shots. At one point R decided that T should really drink one particular shot and gave him that, but left the table for a couple of moments. At that time we mixed that together with something else, hoping to make it look.. not like that shot. And more like the shot he had for himself. So he'd drink that shit. 'Cause we all knew it was the Chili one. =_= (all the other drinks R took for himself I tried to get for myself, as he seemed to be the only one who knew what he was drinking)

At that time I got a message from U who said that L's phone is almost out of juice and that we should pick him up at the tube. We left as quickly as we could, even took the tube one stop further to get to him faster, and apparently he had been waiting there for an hour.

..he was not a happy camper.

After that we looked around for an okay place to go, but everything seemed pretty fishy. We did end up going to something called.. the Oxygen bar? I think. Maybe. When that closed as well, L and M decided they had had enough and went home. I stayed with J, R and T. They looked around for a place to stay, still dragging their luggage along, but we couldn't find any, so went to the Hyde park, where we stayed most of the night, chillin', killin'. Where I punched R in the face (I'm great with people!).

In the morning we went on the tube, waited around the Victoria stop for a while, the three of them went to R's, I went to U's.. this was all at like 8am. I was so glad to see a bed at that point. All I wanted was some sleep. ;_; But no, at 9am I was woken up again and everyone wanted to start going, as we were s'posed to go on the bus tour that day. We did, with me trying to stay up best I could. I kept nodding off the whole time, though. There was a wonderful tour guide thing, though. His voice was very soothing. After that we went on the boat tour (that we missed the first time around, thanks F!), saw the bridge and all that jazz.

In the evening we went to O'Neill's, where we watched the game between Holland and Uruguay. All rooting for Holland, especially as F and T were both from there, as well. :3 J brought L along, so finally got to meet him as well. M and L came about later. After that we went our separate ways again, JTR getting on the tube, us just going home.

Bah. On one day, can't remember which one, we went to Camden Town, which is really such a big market with lots of shit, all of which I wanted to buy. I ended up spending 60 pounds in like an hour and would've spent more if I would've had all my money with me. I'm glad I didn't. Got two dresses and a pocket watch, though. And stupid red hipster glasses. Is cool.

Last day in London, the 7th, went to town with M, as L went to catch a show (Wicked). Finally found Forbidden Planet, which sells lots of cool geeky shit. Met up with JTR. Went to Trafalgar Square to scare J with pigeons. Discovered that I had been there yesterday and hadn't even known 'cause I was so sleep deprived.

Also went to see Eclipse in London, as U had bought me a ticket to go with his wife and her friend. It was still awesome. And sort of nice to be with people who actually like the series. Could be a squealy little fangirl for one night.

When I had just gotten to London, the first day, I was sort of on a 'Can't we go back to Belgium now?' vibe. By the 7th I was looking at flights, seeing if I could in any way lengthen my stay in London. Sadly, no. I was supposed to be at home by 7pm so we could get going on the ferry again, I was a little late (I sort of got lost in the tube and sort of just didn't want to part with R) and we ended up missing the ferry again. xD Got on the midnight one.

After that it was just chilling in Belgium, then went to Holland. Decided to go to Delft instead of Amsterdam, as it was closer and F lived there, so we could just drop him off at home. Well, that didn't go to well, as L ended up smoking so much he couldn't drive us back home, so F did it for him and took the train back later.

The road back home was long and tiring and I never want to do it again. Stupid Ryanair flying to stupid Latvia. Stupid 4h bus ride. Though it was sort of funny when the border control came on the bus when we were already on the Estonia side, asking to see ID. Looked at me, look at the ID, looked at me again, ID again. Didn't seem convinced, but handed it back to me. Maybe 'cause there's an almost-crying brunette on the ID picture and there was a tired, but smiling blonde in front of him.

Right. Then we were home and all I wanted to do was go back. Such wonderful people that we met on the trip, really. Do want.

Run, Joey, run

2010-06-01T23:56:00.000+03:00

Are you available?
Yes.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
Till about 3am, talked in msn for a long while and then read It for an hour.

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you?
Long ago. xD

Who was the last person to text you?
M.

Ever heard the saying “to get over someone, get under someone else”?
In so many words. Still find it false.

Five months ago, can you remember who you liked?
Uhm.. yes.

Do you find smoking unattractive?
Yes and no. It's smelly and disgusting and in an odd bad-boy kind of way sexy.

If you could make your lips bigger, would you?
Definitely.

Are you currently frustrated with a boy or girl?
Very VERY much so. Argh!

Are you one of those people who just don’t care?
I get on the /care wave sometimes, yes.

Which is worse, missing someone or not having some one to miss?
Not having someone to miss is worse by far.

Do you think you could be with someone for over four years?
The right someone, yes.

How long do you think it takes to fall in love with someone?
One look.

Have you done something recently that you regret?
Yes.

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?
Too many times.

When is the last time you actually hung out with your best friend(s)?
Today, yesterday.. :D It's been good.

Do you trust your gut instincts?
I act on them, but they usually get me in stupid shit.

What annoys you the most?
Myself with my constant analyzing that I base on NO FACTS AT ALL. (then again, not having any facts is kind of annoying as well..)

How much longer until your birthday?
..three months? Oh my god, THREE MONTHS?

Have you spoke to your ex today?
Yes, I have, akshuly.

Hows your relationship between yourself and your parents?
It could be better. Or at least, ought to be.

Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
8-Ball says "looks good to me".. but I doubt it.

What are you looking forward to?
Er.. I suppose my trip at the end of the month.

When’s your birthday?
15th September

Can you commit to one person?
Wouldn't have it any other way.

死

2010-05-22T12:56:00.002+03:00

I can't do anything right. I'll never amount to anything. That's my fucking vibe. That's it.

And the hope of a new day

2010-05-22T00:34:00.000+03:00

How do you just.. forget another person? You can't remember what they were like. He asks,
so what did you two talk about?
and you just.. can't.. recall. You look at their picture and you don't feel anything at all. It's just another picture of just another person that has nothing to do with your life.

How does that happen? How can someone be so important, so.. irreplaceable at one point, and then so easily forgettable?

Is the first time I've noticed something like this happening. I guess that's what moving on is like, then. Very.. odd.

Fuck Bruges

2010-05-21T01:14:00.004+03:00

I just.. couldn't.. resist.

GET TO KNOW
———————————————————————————————

Time started: 00:45
Name: Elise
Single or Taken: Single? D: ..most of the time?
Sex: Femme
Birthday: 15/09/88
Sign: Virgo
Eye colour: Hazel, I spose. -.- Is green on the outside! Is all that matters!
What are you wearing: Er.. brown capri pants and a brown shirt.. thing.
Where do you live: Tallinn
Righty or lefty: Righteh!

FAVORITE
———————————————————————————————

Where is your favorite place to shop: Second-hands xD
Color: Hot pink and lime green. D:
Number: "7" xD
Boys Name: Adam!
Girls Name: Er.. lots of good ones and I can't remember any.
Animal: Cats and Filip. D:
Month: August and September
Movie: Secret Window :3
Juice: Sweet Orange D:
Breakfast: Kohuke!
Favorite cartoon character: Grim.

HAVE YOU EVER
———————————————————————————————

Given anyone a bath: Nnnnot really.
Smoked: Tried. Failed.
Bungee Jumped: Nho. Fear of heights!
Gone skinny dipping: MMmno.
Eaten a dog: Not that I know of.
Put your tongue on a frozen pole: I've put my tongue to a newspaper.. and it got stuck.
Loved someone so much it made you cry: Yes.
Broken a bone: Nho. *spits three times over shoulder*
Played truth or dare: Yes.. maybe?
Been in a physical fight: Not a serious one.
Been in a police car: Nho.
Been in a hot tub: Yes.
Swam in the ocean: Er.. yes. xD
Fallen asleep in school: Maybe dozed off for a second.. I remember how M fell asleep next to me in like.. Literature, though.
Ran away: Never.
Broken someone’s heart: Apparently.
Cried when someone died: Yes.
Cried in school: Hm.. in Uni, yes. Otherwise, don't remember.
Fell off your chair: Yes.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Nho.
Saved AIM/MSN conversation: Yes.

WHAT IS
———————————————————————————————

Your good luck charm: My heart-shaped locket with Filip inside.
Best song you ever heard: For now, it's "Billionaire".
What’s your room like: Pink. And messy.
Last thing you ate: Sammich.
What kind of shampoo do you use: Something that has a douchey sort of cool bottle, but actually works.
Do you believe in karma: Yes. Instant karma.

HAVE YOU HAD
————————————————————

Chicken pox: I don't.. think so.
Sore Throat: Apparently, always. That's what the analyses have proven, anyway.
Stitches: I should, somewhere on my head.
Broken nose: Nho, I'm like this naturally.

DO YOU
——————————————————————

Believe in love at first sight: Yes.
Like picnics: Food is good!
Like school: Uni, yes.
What schools have you gone to: TÜG, TLÜ.
Would you eat a live hamster for $1,000,000 dollars: Yes.
Who was the last person that called you: My mom.
What makes you laugh the most: Apparently, punching someone in the ear.

LAST PERSON
———————————————

You yelled at: I'm guessing B. xD I don't yell that often.
Who broke your heart: Last one who had a hold of it.
Who is your loudest friend: Prrrrrrr.. my friends aren't obnoxiously loud, usually.

DO YOU/ARE YOU
——————————————————————————————

Do you like filling these out: Yes, though I have nothing entertaining to say.
Do you wear contacts or glasses: Glasses.. but only when driving.
Do you like yourself: I've seen better.
Do you get along with your family: Mostly.
Obsessive: Very.
Compulsive: About some things.
Anorexic: Nho. C'mon, what?

FINAL QUESTIONS
—————————————————————————————-

What are you listening to right now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2b-TBD9pmhI xD
What did you do yesterday: What DID I do yesterday.. what day is today? o_o Oh, well, since it's technically Friday, on Thursday I.. made sushi, went driving, went to muay thai.
Hate someone in your family: Hate is such a strong word.. not agree with is more like.
What car do you wish to have: One where I can listen to my own awesome mix tapes! xD
Where do you want to get married: Outside. D:

If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be: Um.. my nerves. Or nose, y'know, whichever comes first. xD
How many remote controls are in your house: Two? Three?
Are you double jointed: Nho.
Last time you took a bath: I don't like baths. ._. Shower ftw!
The last movie you saw at the cinemas: Iron Man 2 FUCKING YES.
Do you like scary or happy movies: Scary movies, happy movies are more often than not pretty fucking depressing.
Black or white: Black
Root Beer or Dr.Pepper: Dr.. Pepper?
Vanilla or chocolate: Chocolate!
Silver or Gold: Silver.
Diamond or pearl: Diamond
Sunset or Sunrise: Sunset
Sprite or 7up: Pleh, they both make my head ache.
Cats or dogs: Cats!
Coffee or tea: Coffeeeeeeee ;_;
Phone or in person: In person, I'm afraid of phones. ToT
Are you the oldest, middle, youngest or only child: Youngest.
Indoor or outdoor: Er.. huh. o_o They both kind of suck.

コンプレックス最高！

2010-05-17T15:32:00.000+03:00

どうせ私が一方的に付き纏ってるだけですが、迷惑なんですよね、彼には。

J-pop boyband face-off: ROUND ONE

2010-05-14T20:11:00.003+03:00

..round is a weird word.

Also, is it very obvious I'm so trying to avoid studying?

Irrelevant!

MIWJU, it is ON! The ULTIMATE J-POP BOYBAND FACE-OFF, also known as 'My boyband brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours'.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the fight of the century. Let's get ready to rumble!

Introducing first, Miwju, 160cm tall (more like 159.8, huh HUH?), standing in the red corner with Arashi (嵐)!

In the blue corner, a new challenger! Shin, 165cm tall, with newly chosen side, KAT-TUN (カトゥーン)!

Round one: LOOKS

Fight fight!

TrueFact: KAT-TUN happens to have more good-looking guys.

Example #1: Akanishi Jin ( 赤西仁)
(DOB: 04/07/84)
(Height: 174cm)
(Yukan Club)

Whereas the best Arashi can offer is..

Example #1: Matsumoto Jun (松本潤)
(DOB: 30/08/83)
(Height: 173cm)
(Gokusen)

Also on KAT-TUN's side:

Example #2: Taguchi Junnosuke (田口淳之介)
(DOB: 29/11/85)
(Height: 182cm)
(Yukan Club)

AND

Example #3: Kamenashi Kazuya (亀梨和也)
(DOB: 23/02/86)
(Height: 171cm)
(Nobuta wo Produce)

Whereas on the Arashi's side I sort of.. ran out of.. examples. x)

Thusly, I feel it right to announce KAT-TUN as WINNER of round one!

Well, Miwju, how do you reciprocate? =_=

If you change your mind

2010-05-12T00:01:00.000+03:00

It was so nice when I gave my brother a CD (the epic mix tape für my bruder) so he wouldn't have to listen to silence while driving, and he was like 'Great, but can you make me a CD where this and this is also on?' and it so happened that I'd put a lot of artists on there that he actually wanted. o_o I actually made a CD that he might actually like. Fucking score!

He ate my breakfast though (kohuke). I was not happy at all. Neither was he, when I told him he ate the only reason I had to get up in the morning.

After giving my brother the CD I went to gym for an hour and after that, muay thai. My arms are still shaking from muscle strain. x_o And oh my god, gingers are mean little bastards. Got my legs taken out from under me today by a ginger. xD

I'm such a noob at this.

That, and Starcraft. I'm so slow at building my shit that even the AI is like 'Um, can we get a move on? I've got a date tonight.'

And how stupid, me quitting my job and thinking 'Now I'm finally going to go to school properly', only to find out that this week is the last week of school. And then it's over. Then we get a week of silence and bam, exams! Well, the week will go to study for our last Japanese exam, but.. seriously, what? Last week? My timing is fucking awesome.

Seems London is back on. L and M had better prepare.

ﾛ

2010-05-09T18:19:00.000+03:00

I'm so angry with myself. And so tired of myself. The box I'm in.

Is like my mind's been cut off from everything else and I'm afraid to break out of it.

Argh.

Can't seem to find yer heart

2010-05-07T17:57:00.000+03:00

So, today was my last day at work. But more of that later.

Right now there's one thing that every time I think about it, I start laughing. And I know it's very mean and unladylike and just plain awful, but I can't help it, I find it hilarious. And that's what my last post was about. I actually had a Fight Club-ish moment.

So yesterday a bunch of us were at J's place, after L took us out to Olde Hansa. It was very generous of him, but I did feel bad about his money. When we were leaving and the waiter said "see you again!", J and me exchanged a look, thinking "yeah, how about no".

Anyway. There was water pipe and rum at J's, and at one point L dared me to punch him. I did, twice, but both were rather gently, as well.. I don't really want to hurt a friend. Or myself, for that matter. By the end of the evening he was going all "You hit like a girl", and dared me again. Well, I couldn't just as well turn him down, could I? So I got up, took my rings off and took a swing. The first one he dodged, and I didn't think he would, so I was rather surprised and threw another quick one, which connected with his ear instead of his face. He was all "Why the ear?!" and I was laughing and kind of sad at the same time, ear is such a pointlessly hurty place and judging from my hand, I only hit it with one knuckle (which M told me to put ice on, lest it swell).

L, being an officer in Helkpo, said he'd Cock-rank me for a week. x_o Oh well. Hopefully he won't think that all the boys in Estonia are gay and all the girls want to beat the shit out of him.

*chuckles to self*

And yes, quit my job. Lack of time, health issues, unbearable stress.. just couldn't do it anymore. I can't do it, captain, I don't have the power!

Maybe now I can finally get my driver's license, eh eh?

And study. I don't want to fail the last Japanese exam we have to do. That would be fucking stupid.

I hate the mask (metaphorical one, though now that I think about it, putting on my Guy Fawkes mask would be awesome xD) I put on when talking to certain people, especially when I should be myself. Even the shirt I have on now says 'be as you are' and.. really. Can't. Love to, but can't. Stuck in my own head.

I want my own car. And then I can blast all the music I want, yeaah!

This is the end of retardocat. Let's have a moment of silence.

In the ear!

2010-05-07T09:07:00.002+03:00

Narrator: Whoa, wait, this is crazy. You want me to hit you?
Tyler Durden: That's right.
Narrator: What, like in the face?
Tyler Durden: Surprise me.
Narrator: This is so fucking stupid...
[Narrator swings, connects against Tyler's head]
Tyler Durden: Motherfucker! You hit me in the ear!
Narrator: Well, Jesus, I'm sorry.
Tyler Durden: Ow, Christ... why the ear, man?
Narrator: Guess I fucked it up...
Tyler Durden: No, that was perfect!

living room

2010-05-02T20:15:00.002+03:00

I hope I never figure out
Who broke your heart
And if I do, if I do
I'd spend all night losing sleep
I'd spend the night and I'd lose my mind

Best abadon ship

2010-04-28T12:48:00.000+03:00

How much are we what our genes tell us to be and our time of birth (zodiac) makes us? How much are we what we make of ourselves? How much do the things we've gone through affect us?

How do we let go of what we think we ought to be like?

I've always been awful tense. 'Reserved' goes under that. I just can't bring myself to let go and have fun. For me the fun part comes after all is clear and set and in my control. I realize that's no way to be, and I *want* to relax, but..

Frustrating.

Last time I did something not much like myself was when I fell out of love. Now it's 'cause of the opposite reason.

Silly me.

In other news, while I went to work to get some money together, it is terribly tiring and I can hardly do my own hours. And so, when I'm called and asked to come in, I really, *REALLY* don't want to, 'cause I've got my own stuff to do and the only time I have to do it - and maybe to relax, eh? - would be taken away. My health has gotten worse (thankfully I got my doc's time to an earlier date) and the stress of constantly being in this fucking race to try and do everything - school, work, driving school (haven't found ANY time for it lately, but it's hanging over my head like an axe) - is really wearing me down.

What I don't like is getting a guilt trip like this. I can't. I really can't.

Is also interesting how people you've been together with a long time change, after yer relationship changes. Gets sort of a mean edge to it. Sad.

Maybe I ought to quit while I'm ahead? On all accounts.

I ought to get to studying. Kanji exam tomorrow.

Small things about you

2010-04-21T22:53:00.000+03:00

Secret dates with strangers
Dirty words and fighting talk
I'm so scared it's killed me
Time and time again

Spent the last weekend in Tartu. Celebrated M's birthday and on Sat got together with people I hadn't seen for.. 5 years? Horrible, 'cause they're wonderful people and I really should take the effort to visit them more often.

Life has been.. interesting recently. New exciting people.

Are YOU an Elise?

2010-04-14T01:29:00.001+03:00

As Miwju put her name into ze Urban Dictionary, I realized I've never even thought of it. And now, it turns out my name is sort of awesome.

perfection, pure perfection.
hi, i'm elise. god sent me. i'm here for the booze. i'd really like to fuck that sexy ass boy devin. he's a cutie.

Mad, mentally retarded but lovable and funny. Independent, stands out from the crowd in a good way.

Hi, God sent me, I'm mentally retarded? xD Makes sense.

Guess This Song #2

2010-04-11T21:16:00.000+03:00

Ten points go to Miwju for guessing Queen - I Want To Break Free. xD

シバレー　ー　おやすみ、月

どうしよう？赤ん坊だけど、
もし、電気が切って、
風が吹くかもしれ、
外で・・・

God, I crack me up. -.-;

Guess This Song #1

2010-04-06T16:24:00.001+03:00

Okay so G and me were in a class about the Tokugawa period, and while we got a bunch of homework done, my mind wandered for a moment and I started translating the song that was stuck in my head to Japanese. So, I suppose only my Japanese-speaking (almost wrote 'freaking') friends can really actually guess, but this whole translating thing is hilarious. For me. Well, at least someone, right?

So.

--

女王　ー　振り切りたい
振り切りたい！
振り切りたい！
あなたの愛から振り切りたくて、
あなたは独り善がりで、
あなたが要らないよ！

--

Oh and anyone who knows me, knows I'm awful at actually translating anything - when something translates odd, I just shrug and think it's s'posed to be this way. Also, this is just for fun.

Of impatience

2010-03-25T00:01:00.002+02:00

Cuz' every minutes like an hour
Every hours like a day
Every day lasts forever
But what else am i gonna do
I’d wait forever and a day for you

So if every day lasts forever and he would wait forever and a day, he'll wait for.. two days? Before finding someone new. Awful lyrics.

Turn and face the strange

2010-03-23T13:54:00.000+02:00

Do people change?

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.

I've thought they don't. They might show another side in another situation, with different people, but that's just the other side to them. But.. I don't even recognize me anymore.

I used to think I was loyal. Truthful. Loving. And I've been quite the opposite of that as of late. And I don't like it one bit.

Remember when I was
So strange and likable

I just want back in your head
I just want back in your head
I'm not unfaithful but I'll stray

When I get a little scared

It would make sense that we grow up, and that means losing some traits. Or maybe pushing them to the back of your mind, never to be used again. I think I used to like drama. I mean, it'd be horrible and SO INTERESTING at the same time.

I haven't liked drama for years, though. It's so bothersome, I'd just like things to be calm and nice. Interesting, sure, but in a different, less destructive way. And yet somehow with my overemotional unstable self, I create situations of drama. And I hate myself for it after. No, during. And still am unable to stop.

There's nothing to live for when I'm sleeping alone
And I wash the windows outside in hopes that the glare will bring you around
I- I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me
I- I feel like you wouldn't like me if you met me
So don't you worry there's still time
Don't you worry there's still time
Don't you worry there's still time
Don't you worry there's still time
Sunshine is days away I won't be saved I know all the words
I can't say that I'll love you forever

Each morning I hope I wake up as a better person. I'm trying to, really.

2010-03-12T14:27:00.000+02:00

After all this time and all these adventures, she had still not seen the bottom of him. Not even close. She had seen him laughing and crying, killing and dancing, she'd seen him sleeping and on the squat behind a screen of bushes with his pants down and his ass hung over what he called the Log of Ease. She'd never slept with him as a woman does with a man, but she thought she'd seen him in every other circumstance, and no... Still no bottom.

"The Dark Tower" by Stephen King

Galaxy defenders

2010-03-10T21:45:00.000+02:00

I don't believe in coincidences much anymore. I believe everything we do, every book/article/back of a juice box we read, every road we take in stead of another one is to lead us up to where we are supposed to end up. I believe in fate. Now, a hobo's fate wasn't to become a hobo, but he did anyway. Because he didn't take the choices that were given to him. Instead of rising from the dust like a phoenix, he fell and stayed down. What happens to us is what is supposed to define us as us and to prepare us for what's coming. What's meant for us.

I'm not religious. Maybe I used to be a tiiiiny bit as a child, when I prayed to god at night, hoping that the aliens wouldn't take me when I was sleeping.

Maybe X-Files WAS a bad influence on a young mind..

I've been very lucky thus far. I have a roof over my head, wonderful friends, I'm in Uni, just started working (at a time when work is not all that easy to find) and I still possibly have my life ahead of me. Now, if I could only use my time right.

It takes me a lot to understand that I don't need other people to tell me what I'm like. I ought to know myself.

C for confidence

2010-03-09T20:02:00.000+02:00

All the bloodwork and the samples and the x-rays were totally worth the trip I took to actually send off the documents for the scholarship.

So today was the last day and I went to the post office to get stamps and an envelope and well, get my shit in the mail. When I asked how long it would take to get there, they said it'd probably be there by tomorrow. Well, I should've figured. I kind of did, but I really didn't feel up to sending the documents yesterday, as I spilled some Coke on one paper and had to replace it etc etc. So. I decided to go put it in the right mailbox personally. I had previously checked the address, but somehow mixed up the numbers in my head. The index ended with '25' and the real address was '13a', so I was looking for house no 25a. Yeah, I'm a fucking genius. Well, I map adventured quite a bit, going to the farthest corner in that area, when it had been meters from where I first thought it was. I liked looking for it, though. Walking around a place I hadn't really been before, the sun shining. And it was even more rewarding when I finally found the mailbox. I mean, now I've really fought for my place, right!

..I should've studied, like M did.

I also realized that even though it doesn't seem like it at first, green grass will pop out from under all that snow and broken hearts do mend. Just need a little patience.

Right here right now

2010-03-08T23:23:00.001+02:00

I'm awful at being alone. It's like I need relationships to give me a purpose. I need to love. Not just to be loved, but to really head-over-heels love someone. I used to do a lot of pointless online tests, but I remember one in particular. The question was something like 'what makes you tick' or 'what motivates you' or something, but my result was nothing other than love. Silly, really.

I should find something better to do with my life, but my way of thinking is old-fashioned in that way. It won't matter where I am, what I'm doing, if I'm with someone I truly love.

I find it funny how I read something that I find clever and I think to myself 'no need to write it down, of course I'll remember it' and the next day the only thing I remember is that I read something I found clever.

I find it interesting how first love never really fades away. Even if you don't speak to the other person for months, mayhap years, and then when you suddenly meet up, your heart starts beating faster and you feel a sort of.. wonderful nostalgia. And indeed wonderful, even if it was full of hurt and hate all those years back. You may not be interested in them at all, and still feel love by default towards them. If anything, it reminds you you have loved and you can love again, you're not an empty apathetic shell of yourself.

Or we can keep chilling like ice cream filling
We can be cool in the gang if you'd rather hang

Today's a little better than yesterday.

Someone wake me up

2010-03-07T17:49:00.000+02:00

I'm not good at being responsible. I'm not actually so much against doing work, but I'm worried that if I'm left to it on my own, I'll fuck something up. And when I'm working in the kitchen, I'm responsible for things going smooth. That there's enough rice ready, dishes clean, etc. And that makes me worry some. Also, if I'm left to take care of the house. Please!

Sadness finds me at odd times. When I'm putting a bowl that had chips in it to the washer or filling up the ice tray thing or choosing which tea to drink.

Had to go to work at 9am to listen about hygiene for three hours. Came home, slept. Now, in the evening, have to go to work again 'cause of some sort of meeting. At 10:30pm! Hesus.

A bunch of us went to see Alice in Wonderland yesterday. Though half of us were pointlessly 6 rows away from us. What the shit. Oh, and Alice was really pretty boring. Sure, pretty scenes, nice CGI, but I've even enjoyed Michael Bay movies more. They're pretty too, but have hotter chicks (Megan Fox!).

I need to study. I'd wait until my bad mood passes and I feel like studying, but I don't think that'll be anyday soon. And I've got another kanji test on Thursday. ToT 'Cause the last one went so well, right.

Try to leave the light on when I'm gone

2010-03-04T23:09:00.000+02:00

Suddenly I'm very tired.

I woke up this morning with a massive tummy ache - that after a bad dream. That after a break-up.

The day went well, if to count out me making a complete fool of myself in Japanese, not knowing what was being asked of me. After that school friends and M came here, we played Memory and Labyrinth (yes, board games! they are wonderful), ate some horrible pizza and wonderful cake.

There's something wrong with my blood and my EKG, but apparently well enough.

I went through SC, hoping to get some food or anything, chipping in for the present and all, but no. Talked some, paid for my food and then came home. On my street, very close to my house, I saw a dog on the road. I actually stepped into someone else's yard and called B, 'cause I'm just.. so fucking scared of dogs. I can't help it. When I got home, my heart was beating in my throat and I cried a little. Fear is horrible.

Now, sitting here all alone, the fun seeps out and the sad seeps in. Why is it so hard even when you know it's the right decision?

Thankfully now that I've started working again, it shouldn't be that hard to keep myself busy. Busybusybusy.

And yet, I'm horribly lazy. I don't want to work. Clean. Study. Be awake.

It's like an echo in my head

2010-03-01T18:55:00.001+02:00

Today in keigo we talked about the more "male" words, which would sound weird when spoken by a female. Also talked about men in saunas and how they talk and act one way when they're just between guys and a completely different manner when women are present.

Also learned some grammar where in one sentence it meant to "stop thinking", just sort of pull a curtain down in front. Brain draining empty of thought.

There's a dead bird drawn on my Japanese homework (part of the exercise, apparently). I can't concentrate enough to find out why exactly.

So today I went to the doc, got my blood pressure measured and got an EKG and stuff. Tomorrow - X-ray and blood.. stuff. I'm finally going to find out what blood type I am! For a price (dun dun duuuun).

I'm probably going to faint, too.

I really am naturally foolish.

Lacey

2010-02-24T13:14:00.000+02:00

Haha, mu postkasti jõudsid Hesburgeri kupongid. Mis minu jaoks naljakas on, on nende nö. reklaamlause - Tõeliselt maitsekas. Yeah. Fucking classy alright.

I almost choked on a painkiller yesterday.

I now have glasses. I have a driving exam today. I might get a job. My tummy aches a lot right now, mostly from the nerves. I can't dance to save my life, and I'm thinking of going back to muay thai. I like Ryan Seacrest, he seems nice. Yeah.

Taking everything for granted

2010-02-21T20:03:00.000+02:00

I'm so grateful for my brother. See, I'm ill and since I don't really want to go outside into the cold to buy food, I called my brother and asked if he could provide me with pizza. He said yes and about 15 minutes later I got the biggest pizza they've got, along with salad and a very tasty chocolate cake (*munches on cake*). Now I'm full of food and feeling fine. Verging on happy.

I've got jam all over me. -_- Yesterday M came to my place, we made some pancakes and scared each other with stories of ghosts and stuff. Then watched 'One missed call' again (the Japanese version), and that ending STILL doesn't make sense, seriously. What the fuck? At the end of the movie V came over as well, we sat around for a while longer and then I was left alone in the creaking house, fortunately not for long, as B came home later, too. I very much enjoyed my Saturday.

Friday was a total joke, however. I went to try out for another job and I'm starting to think the people who pull the strings there don't really like me much. The job doesn't really need any skills whatsoever and still they were like "Uh, we'll call you". Yeah, right.

After that I was sort of pissy and decided I'd very much like a bottle of Schweppes' Ginger Ale and a bar of chocolate. Thought, since I'd wait for B at his place, I'd go through Stockmann. I got there at 20:59. The food store closes at 21:00. My god, what great timing! So went to Solaris instead.. even though I was almost at his place, I was not letting go of my Ginger Ale dream now. Got it and got to his place, freezing. Played some Bayonetta and ended up at my place later.

What a time to fall ill. The new semester's barely started and I've missed half of the classes already, mostly on Mondays and Tuesdays. I've had problems with my gums, then had to go to driving lessons instead, and now I'm ill and it would be wise to stay home for another few days. Then again, I really should go to school..

Anywho. I don't know about the rest, but I'm glad I have such wonderful friends and family. Thank you. I love you guys.

never think

2010-02-18T00:20:00.002+02:00

How do I stop hating myself?

Do you folks like coffee?

2010-01-27T21:46:00.000+02:00

Monday was a bad day for me. M and I were s'posed to go to the gym, but she slept in, so I decided to just go buy some hair color (no way I'm going to yoga alone, psh). So I bought one dye that was s'posed to take the yellowness out of my hair. Let's say that it did a half-assed job AND too good of a job. The back of my hair is still the same peach it was before, because it was apparently too dark to change. The front turned a light purple shade of grey. Man, I look 80. Those old people always have slightly purple hair, fuck!

Actually I've gotten pretty used to it now myself, even though I don't like how uneven it is. But when mom came home, she took one look at my hair and called our hair stylist. 8D We're going to her on Friday, to dye my hair something normal. Maybe.

Tuesday M and I went to a dance class.. thing, at the end of which we danced a little reggaeton. And even though I have two left feet (expression-wise, not actually freak legs, I swear), I really-really like that dance style. D: Hawt.

Hopefully going again tomorrow.

Today I had another driving lesson. I wasn't really looking forward to it, 'cause.. I feel that I've learned as much as I possibly can and I'm just not doing a good enough of a job at driving. And yet.. the instructor asked me if I want to keep on driving or go to an exam now (after the lesson). I was like fuck yeaah. I'm still pretty fucking lousy at those roundabouts, so gonna do those tomorrow and see what I should do after that.

Would love to be done with the exams and have my license already. x_o (not that I'd have any car to drive with, anyway)

Want school already. Though if I'm going to take the courses I'm planning to, most mornings I'll have to be at school from 10AM. 10AM! ToT Good-bye sleep.

I worked out for like 3 hours yesterday and the only thing that hurt today was my head. Very strange. But now I'm starting to feel my muscles..

Right. Enough of boring banter.

Mia

2010-01-23T22:30:00.001+02:00

'The breaking of the tet,' Callahan mused. 'Not the death of your friend, but the breaking of the tet. I wonder if your friends know what sort of man you are, Roland?'
'They know', Roland said, and on that subject said no more.
-'Wolves of the Calla', Stephen King

I'm very much in love with Roland's character. The Dark Tower series isn't all that interesting (well, parts where they visit New York and, y'know, 'our world' in general, are sort of dull for me), but Roland is wonderful.

I don't like compromises. As an idea I think it's a very faulty one. They say a compromise is when both get what they want, but usually it just means that nobody gets what they want. And that bothers me greatly.

All exams are done (well, I only had three anyway). Got P (for passed), a B and.. don't know what I'm getting for semiotics (would very much like to know tho.. -_-;; ). Soon a new semester will start. A few days ago I destroyed brain cells by trying to figure out what courses I should take. 8D

WoW is still as addictive as ever. But I love my lock. Luffffff.

Now I'm a fat house cat

2010-01-07T20:07:00.000+02:00

I've always thought myself as inferior to others. Since as long as I can remember, I've thought that I'm not as good as the other person. Now, from Uni (or maybe some time before) that has started to change bit by bit. At least now I can say that I'm perfectly average. I'm just as good as the other person. Maybe not as pretty (by my own standards, if not by anyone else's - meaningless arguments could come from that), but definitely just as smart, just as crafty, just as mean. Just as unoriginal. Jane Grey.

And now I'm realizing that even though it's better to be average than it was to be inferior before, it's not as good as being great. And I know some great people (I've got great friends, haha). Like M, who got 99+% on this semester's tests. I mean, is she a robot or what? But no, she's just great.

I want that. I want something to be great at. However, I'm very clumsy, not at all crafty (or well, not more than the average person, right?) and not smarter than the average bear (or well, human).

I hope I'm making some sense. Studying semiotics atm, which isn't making any sense at all.

If we weren't such good friends..

2010-01-01T13:32:00.000+02:00

..I think that I'd hate you
If we weren't such good friends
I'd wish you were dead

Today I missed my bus. I had to take the trolley to the city 'cause the buses that would take me directly to my neighborhood aren't driving about today. So I got to the city and found that my bus had gone just 2 minutes before I got there and the next one was coming in about 20 minutes. So I walked. And it's very pretty outside, all under a white blanket of snow and the sun shining softly upon it. But the weather made me happy 'cause of the false sense of coming spring. You think - huh, sun; guess the snow will melt soon and all the green will come out and it'll be warm again. But no, at least another 2 months of this shit. Probably three. Maybe as much as four, 'cause I do remember snow in April. Fuck.

So another year has begun. My New Year's resolution was to not let my fear guide me and not let myself get in the way of my happiness and what I really want. Yeah, that's gonna happen. Happy New Year, much like the old year, full of bullshit.

I can honestly say, at this moment, first day of 2010, I have no joy in my heart.

Anatidaephobia

2009-12-23T15:51:00.002+02:00

The fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.

Dude, you have no idea.

Imma let you finish

2009-12-22T21:03:00.000+02:00

I think I'm going to name my toe. My right foot's middle toe, to be exact. 'Cause it has been a huge douche today and I think it deserves a name so I could badmouth it. Anyone got a good douchey name?

I accidentally (yeah, well, who would do it on purpose anyway?) hit my foot against a chair and yeah, it hurt like a motherfucker, but I always hit my hip or head or foot against something, so I thought it'd pass within a half hour anyway. Well, it didn't and today I still couldn't walk right, 'cause it hurt too much to put pressure on that foot. So B's mom and dad ended up taking me to the doc's, 'cause my own mom was out of town and my brother was swamped with work (he *did* send me a huge pizza, 'cause I couldn't just as well go out and buy food on my own, so <3). Running about there took an hour, but as it turns out, all for naught. There's nothing broken, nothing fractured, just hit it hard. Now I mostly just have to wait a few days for the swelling and pain to go away. Is all.

I *did* see M's mom there and even though she smiled the whole time, she scares me. Very much so.

Now I couldn't go through with any of the plans I had for today - going to the airport, to my driving lesson or to M's and E's farewell party. Now they'll be off to Japan and I'll probably never see them again. ToT

Fucking toe. I'd hurt it if it weren't hurting already.

Phascination Phase

2009-12-20T17:56:00.000+02:00

Went to see Avatar in 3D yesterday. The movie itself is pure eyecandy and there was a true Lion King moment in there too (the bastards, trying to make the movie-goers cry!), but the 3D first made me sick, then my eyes burn and gave me a massive headache for the rest of the day that took 3 painkillers and some sleep to get rid of. I'd like to watch it again (maybe skip the Lion King part).. in wonderful 2D.

On Friday a bunch of us went to M's place to chill and play board games and bake cakes that don't come out right. 8D Everything tasted great, but looked absolutely monstrous. I laughed until I almost choked, when M talked about the 'slack jaw' that choir people need to have. Aw, you were just making it worse with every sentence.. and this is why we love you. x) <3

Biffy Clyro is.. pretty good. Or maybe I'm just being taken in by their beautiful Scottish accent.

So right now I'm just drinking some tea, eating some rum cake and hoping for a good evening. Oh yeah, and studying for the theory exam in hopes of becoming Estonia's Next Top Driver (that shouldn't be too hard *rolleyes*). And finally, after a whole week of nothing, tomorrow I've got another driving lesson. ^^ *rejoice*

Should start watching Jersey Shore. Looks retarded enough.

Is it summer yet?

2009-12-17T15:54:00.000+02:00

God it's seriously fucking cold outside. I actually thought for a moment today that I would not be able to get inside the house, 'cause my fingers were frozen and searching for my keys was absolutely excrutiating. I don't get it. I'ts only like -12C outside and I can't feel my hands and feet after 5 minutes of being outside. I've been outside with double that cold weather and been fine.. I think. I might have lost feeling in my face..

I wish I'd live somewhere warmer. Then again, that would mean deadly spiders, too, probably. Surprisingly enough, I miss Spain. Though it was cold the week we were there, too. xD

We had the kanji exam that I studied for from morning til night today. Didn't.. go so well. It's fine when you have to write the pronunciation for kanjis, but not when you have to write the kanjis based on simple hiragana.. with no hint of what it could mean. It's near impossible for me.

Don't want to go outside no more.

I'm a cuckoo

2009-12-16T17:01:00.000+02:00

Today a FB application told me that my year 2010 is going to be like 2005 was. And you know FB never lies. xD But it just made me want to look back at what 2005 WAS like. My blog was at another place at that time, so I can't read any posts from that year, but I do remember that it started off miserably and was almost okay at the very end (not really). December of '05 was when I was as sick as I've ever been, having tonsillitis and a fever that almost reached 40C. Yeah, no.

Still studying. Still not going to driving school, 'cause I'm not done with kanjis yet. Gah, can't waste time!

Baby I've never been very good at anything

2009-12-15T17:30:00.002+02:00

Today has not been a good day. I've angered others (and myself) and I'm not feeling very well at all.

Immortal hair

2009-12-14T17:13:00.000+02:00

Today I realized my hair color is here to stay. I dyed it and the only part that actually took the color in were the roots that had grown out a bit. Everything else stayed the same. It's amazing! And fucking annoying. That just means that I'm going to *have* to spend a fortune at the hairstylist if I want to dye my hair. My scalp hurts.

Don't let the sun go down on me

2009-12-13T13:22:00.000+02:00

Fuck, what crappy cold weather. I hate snow. I'd rather go outside when all this is gone (see you guys in April?) But yeah, exams and school and shit. The only thing winter brings is sickness - which, apparently, only I'm afraid of. May it be swine flu or just the 'regular' one - flu's dangerous. And a sentence like 'hey, only old people and children die from it' doesn't console me much. 'Cause y'know, there's one missing from that list - people with weak immune systems. And as I'm still having a bit of trouble with my health.. I'm not interested in taking those chances. So, sorry M. (another one! he doesn't read my blog, tho, methinks) - as much as I would've liked to see you, don't want to get sick.

Ow. Tummyache (SEE? DO YOU SEE?).

The end of the year has crept up quite suddenly, actually. Sure, it's still the 13th, however - school's out (fooor summer! schoool's out foorever!) by the 18th already.. which just leaves one week. And there's a loooot of stuff piled up already. Semiotics, Allik's materials, driving school exams, kanji exam.. fuck my life. This is what happens when yer a lazy fuck like me.

I want cocoa.

The riot inside keeps trying to visit me

2009-12-12T17:12:00.000+02:00

George Clooney is fucking hot. Now I want to see "Up in the Air". Also, maybe "Brothers".

Yesterday's party was.. awesome. M.'s school had a Christmas party and she took me along. Her coursemates are.. interesting. Who would've known there *are* more cool people in Tallinn? Maybe this country isn't too small after all.

I have been thinking a lot lately about wanting to get out of the country, travel around the world and stuff. I s'pose it doesn't sound much like me, but again, I think I've been so caught up in what I've thought I'm like, I haven't noticed the changes. Guess time does do something to people.

And I don't even just mean Japan, not really. I thought it'd be the easiest place to get to (well, not quite), as our school has that exchange program, but I'd very much like to see the US and Australia and Scotland.. It's a pity I'm not graduating this year - then I could start really thinking about that and planning. Then again, I'm hoping our Smartproof Deskies plan concerning the ole US.

There's a considerably important exam on Thursday, so I think I really should stop procrastinating and get to studying.

I wish I could stop wishing for things

2009-12-08T23:11:00.000+02:00

Japanese homework has gotten surprisingly hard. Maybe because I've been falling behind a lot on it. We have a sheet of sentences, half in Japanese, half in Estonian and then we have to translate them. And translating Estonian to Japanese is fine - sometimes I don't find all the words, but at least I understand what they want from me, right? Obviously not the case with Japanese. SO much grammar stuck together, I translate all the words and *still* don't get it (and you never will, ha-ha). Well, at least I'm trying now. I want to pass the test in January. I haven't really had much motivation to study for.. months now. I don't get the same happy feeling anymore. When I first started Uni I sometimes just sat there with a stupid grin on my face and thought - I'm actually sitting here.. studying JAPANESE. Something new, interesting. Speshul. I don't get that anymore. I suppose it's gotten harder, there's more to memorize and all that takes the fun away. I used to love studying kanjis most about Japanese. 'Cause they were so easy to memorize! Now we take around twenty kanjis at once, they're all very specific and somehow I find myself thinking - when am I ever going to use THIS? And as we're supposed to know about - let me check - about 600 kanjis by now.. there's so much! There's not enough gigs in my brain to fit all this! And yet, we still don't know enough to even read a lousy newspaper.

Man, I do enjoy writing in English though. I wonder if it's going to bother some people, but I hate writing half in one language and half in another (whereas 80%-20% is totally fine, desho?) and that's what I was doing. And my thoughts flow more.. easily. In English. In Estonian my mind just gets stuck. In a strange sort of way, English inspires me. Huh.

And I'm sure I make mistakes, probably a lot of them, when using English. I feel even that skill has gone down a bit since high school (definitely my Estonian has). However. That is irrelevant. Just bear with me, will you? (It's unBEARable!)

Oh, I had another driving lesson today. And for the first time I got to go driving in real traffic. With cars and shit, you dig? And I LOVED it. Sure, I made some mistakes - being to slow in some instances, forgetting what I'm supposed to do in those traffic.. circle.. things, and so on, but.. it was great. I smiled to myself many times. I'm surprised at how much I like driving. I just hope I can pass those exams when the time comes, though (and that's not all that far away).

So AFTER the driving lesson I went through New Yorker, where I found the most gorgeous bag I've ever seen.. I thought long and hard, but I just couldn't NOT buy it. It would've haunted my dreams and then I would've returned to the store and found that it's been bought and I would've regretted it forevah. I'm sure. Merry Christmas to me! Best present ever. Christmas is the time of giving, right?

Beh, I feel a bit nauseous. But at least my tummy doesn't ache anymore. Beeehhhhh.

I'm watching a j-drama called Attention Please at the moment.. and it makes me want to become a stewardess (do they use that word anymore? At some point I heard they changed it to something more.. *appropriate*. Meh. They use 'cabin attendant' in the j-drama xD). Serving some tea in the sky. xD (way to downgrade it, son!)

Yeah. Feels good to write.

Honest to God I'll break your heart

2009-12-08T18:09:00.000+02:00

..tear you to pieces and rip you apart

I've been reading the Dark Tower series again. The main character is Roland, a gunslinger, who is in search of said tower. And on the road he befriends some people who he grows to care for and love.. and yet he wouldn't think twice about sacrificing them, if that was what was required to get a step closer to the Dark Tower. A real cold streak in him. It also shines out when he needs to shoot people - he doesn't think about it, just lets his hands do the work with the guns on his hips. Killed every man, woman and child in Tull. No remorse.

I'm not HALF as cool as Roland, but I do feel I have a cold streak in me as well. I don't know what my Dark Tower is - I guess whatever thing that I think I need at that point in time. Sure I care about people - I've got the most wonderful friends one could have, how could I not? But there's like a switch. And at the flick of that switch, I suddenly feel.. nothing. Except maybe annoyance, because the situation can be bothersome. I'm hot-headed and cold-hearted. Heh.

And I'm not saying this in a "god, I hate myself" sort of way. I mean, even though it has brought (and in future will bring) me trouble in relation/friend/etc-ships, I like it. It tastes sweet to me. Clear. I like clear. Emotions are always so confusing.

'You won't let me drop this time?'
'No,' Roland said. 'Not this time, not ever again.' But in the deepest darkness of his heart, he thought of the Tower and wondered.

'Sometimes I hate you, big white man.'
Roland placed the heels of his hands against his forehead and pressed hard. 'Sometimes I hate myself.'
'Don't ever stop you, though, do it?'

-'The Waste Lands', Stephen King

You act like it's alchemy

2009-12-07T21:02:00.000+02:00

The Servant on ikka väga hea. Ma vahepeal muretsesin endale lugusid, aga siis suutsin folderi ära kaotada. 8D Alles eile kogemata sattusin peale, üritades Echofoni koledat logo ära vahetada (to .J: it's still ugly - I fail).

Kõht on rummikooki (keeksi?) täis. Mmm.

Täna korjasime emaga õues õunu ja lehti kokku. Naabrid on endale taaskord uue kutsu muretsenud, seekord suurema koera (neil on kaks mingi eriti mini ka) ja kui me aiale lähemal käruga jamasime, siis ta tuli ka vaatama ja saba liputama. Ja ta oli niiii armas. Nii tahaks endale ka. Just suuremat koera, none of those annoying little shits. D:

Ah, ma tunnen Stefist puudust. ._. Oleks ühte piltigi.

Nähtavasti järgmine esmaspäev on ühe jaapani keele asemel kaks. :D Sest õppejõud ei ole suutnud küllalt kiiresti asju läbi võtta meiega. Hmh. My sleepytime. ;_;

Ma tunnen J&C'st kirjutamisest puudust.

I was reading a magazine in someone's bedroom
And I thought
You're just so fine to me

Shall we liquefy
Oh you and I
And vanish into the sea?

Shy Ronnie

2009-12-07T17:33:00.000+02:00

Haa, fix'd. Nii hästi kui oskasin, enivei.

Täna ikkagi autokooli ei lähe, liiga suur väsimus peal.

Kay. Study now, talk later.

shall we liquefy

2009-12-07T00:58:00.001+02:00

See on nüüd see, et ilu jaoks peab kannatama - blogivälimus kangesti meeldib, aga ta on classic layout'is, tähendab, et kõik käib manuaalselt. What a pain.

Eelmises postis ütlesin, et ei taha haigeks jääda ja ometi.. homme igaks juhuks kooli ei lähe. Samas homme õhtul on autokool ka ja seda ei tahaks vahele jätta..

Ma konkreetselt lehkan küüslaugu järgi. Sai nii hommikul kui õhtul seda näost sisse aetud. And it's sooo GOOD.

Yeah, and no comments.

Ma tõesti peaks magama minema. I'll fix this tomorrow.

Captain Trips

2009-12-04T16:38:00.000+02:00

Aa käed värisevad. Ja ühes on pitsa (Pizzapoisid!). Väga raske kirjutada.

Okay, done.

Hem. Täna oli sõidutund ja seetõttu ehk värise(si)ngi. Sai kõrvaltänavatel sõidetud janoh.. enam-vähem okeilt läks, kuigi ma suutsin paar korda auto välja suretada ja ei suuda gaasilt jalga ära võtta käiku vahetades. Veits feil. 8D Tahaks kodus edasi harjutada, aga selleks võiks nagu auto ka olla siis. Aganoh, eks ma siis sõtkun tühja. xD

Täna passin niisama kodus, kuna homme hommikust kohe esmaabikursus. O_O siis ma tean, mida vanaemadega ette võtta xP (M. saab mu naljast ehk aru..)

Võiks ehk joonistada..

Punu nii täis, ei viitsi midagi teha. 8D

The Standi koomiksi Captain Trips raamatuke on käes. :3 Jeeeeesss.

Ise haigeks jääda ei taha.

So I turned myself to face me

2009-12-02T22:22:00.000+02:00

..but I've never caught a glimpse

Imelik on, kui arvad, et inimene ihub vaikselt sinu peale hammast ja siis teda nähes näib ta liiga katkine, et millegi taolise peale üldse oma energiat raisata.

Es tut mir leid.

hang up the chick habit

2009-11-29T16:05:00.000+02:00

..hang it up, daddy,
or you'll be alone in a quick

Huvitav, kuidas enda kohta tekib mingisugune ettekujutlus ja siis aja möödudes sa saad aru, et see tegelikult ikkagi ei vasta tõelisusele, kuigi ise peaks ju ennast kõige paremini tundma. Pikka aega ma arvasin, et üks mu (vähestest) plussidest on lojaalsus. Aga viimasel ajal ma olen aru saanud, et see ikkagi pole nii. Ma ärritun väga kergelt ja siis mul on järsku jumala ükskõik, kui suur sõber keegi on mingil ajahetkel olnud, ma norin rahumeeli tüli. Eks vihasena leiab alati midagi, mis teise inimese puhul ei meeldi ja siis saab kõik ka välja öeldud, taktitundetult ja täiesti kontrollimatult.

Ja ma mõtlesin, et vähemalt ühele inimesele olen ma sedamoodi lojaalne, et mitte kunagi ei nori tüli, tee haiget ega midagi sinnakanti. Ja täna ma tõestasin vastupidist. I'm very disappointed in myself.

Ma pole väga hea sõber.

I never meant to brag..

2009-11-27T13:36:00.000+02:00

..but I got him where I want him now

Mul on ikka mingi väike maso külg juures. xD Ma nägin hommikul unenäos midagi, mis lõikas väga sügavalt ja tekitas armukadedust, aga ometi ma panin ikkagi kella edasi, et edasi magada. Edasi näha, mis toimub.

Ja siis ärgates on see tunne veel sees, mis sellest, et see päriselt ei toimunud. Ja siis tekib tahtmine seda edasi arendada. Leida põhjusi.

Ma ei saa teise inimese üle kohut mõista, kui ta teeb sama, mida ma samas olukorras tegin. Aga kurat, sellele vaatamata tekib vahel väike viha sisse. Tahaks öelda, et fakk, lõpeta ära juba. Aitab ka. Nobody cares.

Enivei. Enough of that. Eile sai siis J, K ja M-iga New Mooni käidud vaatamas. Esilinastusel. xD Ning tõesti, see pole mingi meistriteos. Terve filmi vältel sai mitu korda midagi sosistatud ja naerdud (näiteks kujutlus, kus surmtõsises stseenis, kus Jacob üritab Bellat veenda mitte minema, ise olles pooleldi autos sees läbi akna, vajutaks keegi nuppu ja aken hakkaks vaikselt kinni minema..) ja ka kella vaadatud, et kas hakkab juba lõppu jõudma ka (mul on kõik need raamatud läbi loetud, but fuck if I remember, mis koha peal üks raamat pooleli jääb ja teine hakkab). Ja ometi.. ootan järgmist, sest ikkagi tahaks näha, kuidas nad raamatu kinolinale toovad. Mulle pole Jacob nagunii kunagi meeldinud. xD (kuigi ta jättis esimest korda sümpaatse mulje siin filmis).. teistes filmides peaks jälle vampirasid rohkem olema. xP

(god, I'm such a dweeb)

Ja ometi, kui DVD välja tuleb, siis you can bet yer ass, I'm going to buy it. The 2-disc speshul.

Ja ma pole ikkagi huvitatud sõbrustamisest inimestega, kes selja taga on sitta rääkinud.

2009-11-26T07:15:00.002+02:00

kurrrr

2009-11-24T23:00:00.000+02:00

Bah, kanjitunni kodutöö tegemine ajab ikka silmad rulli. e_e So tired. So much work. So pointless.

Aga neljapäev lähevad tüdrukud neljakesi kinno istmeid täis ilastama. :3 Can't wait can't wait can't wait.

Mul on kahju, et ma koorist ikkagi ära ütlesin, kuna nüüd mul polegi põhjust enda zombie snake choir label'it kasutada. ._. (yes, I just gave myself a reason)

Autokool on teh kewl. D: Tahaks juba praktikani (I'm so going to regret saying that). Aga jah, kui ma mingi ime läbi saaks isegi need eksamid tehtud, siis auto muretsemine on juba omaette nali. xD Vapsee sitta müüakse mulle taskukohase hinna eest. -.O Ühel polnud sidureid ega esitulesid, teisel polnud isegi autot, vaid lihtsalt sisu. xD (vale kategooria all, see viimane)

Hmnhjm. This layout bothers me.

uh, do I know you?

2009-11-22T18:26:00.001+02:00

Viimasel ajal näeks ma nagu unenägusid, mis pole üldsegi minu omad.

Paar õhtut tagasi nägin ma unes tegelasi, kes pidid olema minu väga kallis ja lähedane vend ja teine minu mees, kuid mõlemad näod olid täiesti tundmatud.

Paikapanevateks faktoriteks olid need, et mu vend oli vist Ameerika(?) president ja mu mees oli mingi creepy saatanakummardaja (why was I married to him, iunno), kel oli plaanis president ära tappa. Lisaks nähtavasti kuulis ta alati kõike kahtlaselt hästi pealt. Kuidagi mul siiski õnnestus vennaga temast eemale saada, vist vabandusega, et ta kohevarsti sõidab ära ja et ma veedan veel paar viimast momenti temaga. Me läksime ja sõime kuskil mingisugust hiina toitu ning ma rääkisin talle mehe plaanist ta tappa. Natuke hiljem sattusime me mehega uuesti kokku ja siis oli nagu oh hiii, wut up, endal kartus südames. Näis, et ta ei kahtlusta midagi, kui järsku ma kuulsin meest enesele ütlemas, et ta vihkab Weixiangi vms (mis lihtsalt väljendab mu alateadvuse teadmatust hiina keele ja hiina toitude kohta), mis oli see, mida me sõime, kuigi pärast me võlusime kuskilt mingi teise tsheki välja, kuna nähtavasti mees ei tohtinud teada, et me seal söömas käisime. o_o

Aga umbes siis ma ka üles ärkasin.

Tänane päev on väga unine. D:

Somebody told me you had a boyfriend..

2009-11-15T23:14:00.000+02:00

.. who looked like a girlfriend
that I had in February of last year

Kuigi mulle kangesti meeldib see layout, on mul ometi sellest väga kopp ees. Hmh. Something has to be done.

Mulle tõesti pole meeltmööda kõik see draama, mis viimasel ajal mind taaskord ümbritsenud on. See mõjub laastavalt ka puhtfüüsiliselt, punu kohe valutab. Miks on tarvis teistel inimestel oma nina toppida asjadesse, mis neisse ei puutu? Milleks koguaeg mingit sitta korraldada? Hesus, this is beyond me. Seda pole ma taotlenud ning see mind tõesti ei huvita. Things change. People change. And so much stays the same.

Huvitav (ja mõneti kohutav), kuivõrd võib üks olukord erinevate inimeste vaatepunktidest erinev olla.

Motivatsioon on miinuses, aga homsest, kui kõik hästi läheb, saab ehk alustada teed omaenda neljarattalise omamise suunas. x) Contrary to popular belief, load sõidavad ikkagi.

Mitte, et load nelja-- nvm, you get my point.

Natuke mõrk maitse on sel kõigel juures.. aga mul on hea meel, et mul on jälle perekond.

フミコの告白

2009-11-12T16:50:00.004+02:00

word

2009-11-08T13:06:00.002+02:00

sin⋅cer⋅i⋅ty
/sɪnˈsɛrɪti/
–noun, plural -ties.
freedom from deceit, hypocrisy, or duplicity; probity in intention or in communicating; earnestness.

Origin:
1540–50; < L sincēritās. See sincere, -ity

Synonyms:
truth, candor, frankness. See honor.

Antonyms:
duplicity.

shindeiru tako

2009-11-08T13:03:00.002+02:00

A few days ago I ate a tako. With cheese. It was like gum.. and tasted like betrayal.

nvm,

2009-11-04T16:10:00.002+02:00

I take that back.

死神

2009-11-01T02:03:00.000+02:00

Kuidagi jube tühi tunne on.

on kaugusi mis on nii sama kauged
kui igavik või sirutaksid käe

the three musketeers

2009-10-27T20:26:00.001+02:00

..and that fourth guy who just tagged along. xD
Epic. Also, why am I the fat one?

fwiends

2009-10-26T15:32:00.001+02:00

Tõelised sõbrad on need, kes tulevad koristama peo järgi, kus nad ise ei käinudki.

♥

this is why we can't have nice things

2009-10-25T12:13:00.002+02:00

Viimasel ajal oli elu kuidagi.. lausa liiga hea.

Ma mõtlesingi, millal see tasakaalustub.

See nädalavahetus on täielik shitstorm olnud.

And nothing to look forward to.

2009-10-22T19:00:00.005+03:00

喜劇的息抜き

(きげきてきいきぬき)
(ki.geki.teki.iki.nuki)
comic relief

(ei waapuro ega ka üks dictionary sait, kust ma tavaliselt asju otsin, ei leidnud seda sõna mulle. Nähtavasti see on ainult minu denshi jishos. Hääldus põhineb Yumi-senseil :D)

(try saying that 5 times in a row, fast)

2009-10-21T02:19:00.001+03:00

you have two giraffes

2009-10-20T23:25:00.004+03:00

Täna on tervis parem.. aga nii igaks juhuks lähen alles neljapäev kooli. Siis saab ehk ka motivatsioonikirja ja matrikliväljavõtte ära antud. Hm.

Peaks järgmine nädal semiootikaeksami ära tegema. Kuigi, siis peab hakkama kiirelt asju pähe ajama/tuupima. xD (kuigi jutu järgi küsib ta pigem loogika kui fakti järgi.. I'm so fucked)

Nädalavahetuseks on juba praegu täitsa mitu plaani tekkinud, nii et.. assum. :3 Loodan, et selleks ajaks olen täiesti terve ja valmis omadega.

Ja ehk saab ülejärgmine nädal end Tartusse veetud. :3 Tahaks küll. ^^ Gut food awaiting.

Vaatasin "The Ugly Truth'i" ära ja imho väga vaatamist väärt. Selline kergelt kuri, sageli vasakpoole huumor. Ma naersin kõva häälega. xP Ja Gerard Butler on to die for. x_x

Mike: You're all about comfort and efficiency!
Abby: What's wrong with comfort and efficiency?
Mike: Well nothing, except no one wants to fuck it.

Currently approved by Shisus:
音楽: Flo Rida - Right Round
映画: The Ugly Truth
本: Haruki Murakami 'The Elephant Vanishes'

one sick puppy

2009-10-19T14:55:00.002+03:00

Mul on ikka täiesti kohutav olla. Eile läksin mingi 7-8 magama ja ärkasin täna alles pool 12. xD Ja ikka on väga väsinud ja närune olla. Pea paks (like the rest of me, ha-ha).

Nädalavahetusel oli koorilaager, kuhu ma ehk ei oleks pidanud minema, oma tervislikku seisundit arvestades. xP Samas oleks ma siis vägagi maha jäänud omadega ja poleks ehk hakkama saanud kooris. Sesmõttes, et huvitav oli ikkagi. Palju lauldi, õhtul oli rebaste ristimine. Meil lasti teha ~10-minutiline muusikal, rebased jagati kaheks rühmaks ja meie rühm tegi Eesti filmiklassika suhtedraama teemal mingi jama valmis. Meil oli Kalevipoeg ja ma ei tea, kas sellest on koguaeg filmi tehtud, aganoh. Ma olin Lible. xD Samas täitsa kurb on mõelda, et selle jaoks pidin ma ainult oma mütsi ja mantli selga panema ja oligi valmis.. what a bum.

Lasti ka, suu vahukomme täis, hääleharjutusi teha, millest midagi välja ei tulnud, aga selle kohta võib ainult nii palju öelda, et vahukommid on jäledad ja pool õhtut ma mõtlesin, mitu kalorit ma selle jama eest sain. xD

Esitati rebastele ka küsimusi - kes sa oled, kust tuled, miks tulid koori ja poiste poolt ka 'perekonnaseis' ja 'kas sa meie topless-kooriga liitud?'.. kui ma mainisin, et ma S.-i kaudu koori jõudsin, siis nad küsisid, kas mina olen normaalsem. Keegi vahetas selle siis viisakama 'kohusetundlikum' vastu ära, aga tegelikult see on suht solvav. Mismõttes minu venna kohta midagi taolist öelda? Ta on vägagi normaalne.

Täna ei läinudki kooli (nagu ärkamisajast võis arvata xD). Ja õige ka - praegu on küll selline tunne, et vaevalt suudan niisamagi olla, mis siis veel kodust väljas. xP Ei tea kaua see kestab.. joon igast teed ja loodan enesetunde paranemise peale. Jama.. täna oleks koolis pannkooki söönud. xD So hungry.. I think.

Jama ka, et nädalavahetusel CoNi peole ei saanud minna, kuna koorilaagris olin. Nähtavasti kõik olid endale sõna saanud.. tahaks enda oma teada.

Ma pean enne reedet oma motivatsioonikirja ja matrikliväljavõtte ära viima, aga mul pole tänu koorinootide printimisele ühtegi koopiapaberit enam alles. xD

Man, so tired.

zombie snake choir

2009-10-16T12:34:00.003+03:00

Eile oli jälle pidu EHIkatega ja taaskord olin meeldivalt üllatunud, kui toredad ja naljakad inimesed meil koolis käivad.

Sellele eelnes mu teine kooriproov ja hääleseadja liigutas mu teiseks sopraniks. Mul on väga hea meel, kuna nüüd ma saan teha seda, mida ma koguaeg keskkoolis kooris teha tahtsin - viisiga kaasa minna. xD Homsest on koorilaager ka.. aga üldse pole hea, et mu kurk on väga imelik ja valutav praegu. See veel puudub, et ma vahetult enne haigeks jään. xD

Huh. Eile sai ainult kaks klaasi joodud ja see lõi ikka väga korralikult sisse. Aga ehk see imelik haige olek annab asjale juurde.

Imho see on kohutavalt naljakas, kuidas mul telefonil on applicationite all "pink schedule".. tõesti lihtsalt naistele mõeldud telefon. o_o

Täna peab minema apteeki ja vaatama, kas ma saan S.-i töökohas enda printerit kasutada, et homseks noodid välja printida. xP

Seal nähtavasti toimub ka "rebaste ristimine". Koorilaagris, tähendab. Guh. Ma eile küsisin paari inimese käest, mida see endast kujutab ja mulle öeldi a la, et "midagi hullu pole, sul on lihtsalt enda lauluoskust vaja". Mul on nagu.. oooh shit. o_o

Aaaa punu valutab.

Ooh, and I almost forgot (again). Ma mõtlesin eilse jooksul välja, milline koor oleks teh shit - zombie snake choir. o_o ZOMBIE SNAKE CHOIR. Think about it. Alati on see, et mingi koha peal ei tohi hingata (eile koorijuht suutis öelda 'siin loos ärge hingake üldse' vms xD) ja hääleseadja seletas, kuidas meil on vaja enda lõualuu alla lasta, et hääl välja mahuks ilusti. Nagu krokodill. Või madu. If nothing else, it'd make a wonderful movie. Zombie Snakes in a Choir! Ma ei väsi seda kordamaks. Sounds AWESOME.

ze joo

2009-10-15T00:55:00.003+03:00

Cartman: Give me your Jew gold now!
Kyle: God damn it, you know I don't carry gold in a little bag around my neck, Cartman. What do you want from me?
Cartman: I want your Jew gold…

Kyle: Do you really think my hat is stupid?
Stan: As a matter of fact, I think it is the nicest hat I have ever known.

hangari turkeh

2009-10-12T21:01:00.003+03:00

Tänasest üritan midagi dieedisarnast pidada.. ja metsikult tühi on kõht praegu. Kuidagi.. igavam on ka sellevõrra. xD Et süüa ei saa eriti. Aganoh. Mul on veits kõrini fat fuck olemisest. Eks näis, kuidas välja kukub.

Klaas vett on jätkuvalt täiesti vastuvõetamatu minu jaoks tho. Isegi praegu. xD

Ma mõtlesin, et vaatan ka, kuidas see Vampire Diaries sari on siis.. janoh.. pole viga. True Blood nt ei lähe üldse peale, aga see läheb. Nagu Twilight sarjana.. isegi peategelane-vampiir on nagu Pattisoni Edward, paksud kulmud ja tugev lõuajoon ja puha. xD

Täna saime stipitingimustest natuke rohkem teada ja.. ei kõla väga ahvatlevalt, ausalt öeldes. xD

Korea muusika on suht coo ikkagi.

ramukeeki

2009-10-11T20:26:00.004+03:00

Njeah. Ma otsustasin lõpuks siiski mitte tolle seminari esseega ennast vaevata. Nagunii enda nime kirja ei pannud. ._. Punktidest on kahju küll, aganoh. Mnhjm.

Rummirull maitseb hea ja kohe hakkab superstaarisaade jälle. xD

Ma vahel tõesti, täiesti siiralt ei saa aru, miks mõned inimesed (ja neid on tõesti mitu xD) minuga suhtlema tulevad.

Ei tea, kus .J. end täna peidab..

ghooo

2009-10-10T23:29:00.002+03:00

Ka täna oli elu lill. xD

Muidu möödus terve päev suht vaikselt, õppisin ja vaatasin filme, ei midagi erilist. Aga nüüd mõni aeg tagasi tuli meil, mida ma olin ootanud. Ja see tõi häid uudiseid - mind on koori vastu võetud. I'm psyched. xD

Currently approved by Shisus:
音楽: Brown Eyed Girls - Abracadabra
映画: Monsters vs Aliens
本: Chuck Palahniuk 'Fight Club'

secret aaasian maan

2009-10-09T22:40:00.002+03:00

Täna oli elu lill.

Päeva alguses läksime me emaga mulle talvesaapaid vaatama. Peale nii mõneski poes kahtlaseste vana soki välimusega saabaste vaatamist ütlesin ma, et peab ikkagi tanksaapad ostma, head, ilusad ja odavad (arvestades, et ühel paaril poesaabastel, mis ma jalga proovisin, oli hind ~2600.- ..ja need olid allahinnatud :/). Läksime siis tanksaabastekohta otsima, tänu R.-ile, kes teadis seda tänavat, me ka kohale jõudsime. Seal juhtus olema just taoline paar jalanõusid, mis olid parajad nii labajala kui sääre poolest, mis olid kellegi poolt tellitud, kuid siis mitte järgi tuldud. Ja sai praktiliselt poole odavamalt, kui tellimine muidu oleks maksma läinud (osati ka sellepärast, et ema oli enese teadmata kuskil liiga palju raha kulutanud nähtavasti.. xD).

Eile vaatasin ma Stockmanni Hullude Päevade raamatukest, kus olid tulevad kaubad näidatud.. ja sealhulgas ka karvamüts/läkiläki/ushanka, mille peale ma emale ütlesin, et ma tahan seda (ma ei mäleta, millal mul selle karvamütsi järgi huvi tekkis, aga et see oli vähemalt enne mu sünnipäeva..). Ja siis tuli välja, et R. oli endale ostnud ja ometi mitte kandnud ja tänasest on see minu!
(eelmises postituses on pildil selle karvaosa isegi natuke näha xD mul on nii suur armastus selle vastu, et see on mul praegugi peas. Vahepeal läheb aga liiga soojaks ja siis ma pean selle ära võtma uuesti. ._.)
(mõni inimene võib mäletada, et kunagi ema tõi mulle ühe valge patsidega mütsi, mida ma mitu päeva järjest kodus peas kandsin ja enda kiivriks kutsusin.. ja kui korraks ära võtsin, lõin enda pea piki köögi teravat kapiäärt ära :( )
Toas on suht külm ikkagi ja ma ei viitsi enda pusa üles otsida.. aga müts annab sooja küllalt. xD

Täna oli ka mu kikukirurgi aeg. Ootama pidi suht pikalt, enne kui vastu võeti, ja selle ajal jooksul jõudsin ma mõelda, et tänane päev on nii hästi läinud, et nüüd kas läheb sama hästi edasi või n-ö. tasakaalustab millegi kohutavaga ära. Aga võta näpust.. kikuarst vaatas mu kikude pilti ja ütles, et aastakese võin vähemalt rahulikult tsillida, midagi hullu praegu pole ja võimalik, et ei tule ka. Scoooore.

Eile (oli eile neljapäev?) käisin ma proovimas, kas ma saan meie kooli koori sisse, kus venna ka käib. Närv oli sees ja värisedes läksin ma peale enda katset minema ka, kuigi läks vist hästi. Ometi oli ukse taga peale minu veel 6-7 tüdrukut ja pärast venna käest kuulsin ka, et võetakse arvatavasti ainult umbes kaks tüdrukut vastu. :/ Tänaseks pidi kõigile meili saatma.. ma pole midagi saanud praeguse arvestusega. ._. Tahaks/tahtnuks sisse saada, tho. Toredad inimesed näisid olevat seal.

^w^

seminrah

2009-10-09T21:57:00.005+03:00

M.-iga ülikoolide ja esseede teemasid võrreldes võtsin uuesti lahti eelmises postis mainitud seminari konspekti. Ja kui alguses suutsin ma tähele panna ja ehk midagi tarka kirja saada, siis lõpuks läks asi käest ära. Järgmised laused on aga vägagi seminarikohased, sealkuuldud, mitte mu enda väljamõeldised.

seminar vägistamisest:

*toutsugu - marriage.. or penetration
*filling a hole in a sense
*man and woman - is a puzzle!
*sex with a turnip
*penetrate that paper! (with yer sperm ofc)

seminar väljaheitest:

*only one day in a year can you talk about poo and laugh
*feast of asses
*enlightenment through having a shit
*gaki wa chotto kawaii deshou?

EAP'de tarvis peaks 7lk essee kirjutama seminaris läbivõetud teemadel, aga kuna ma ühele paberile oma nime ei kirjutanud, siis ma ei tea, kas ma saaks isegi siis, kui ma suudaks need laused kokku saada.. hmh. :/

Is that yer pee? - Thirsty?

poo!

2009-10-09T15:24:00.000+03:00

Merit says:
pooping and how it's made
an essay by dedicat ion

Jaapani kirjanduse ja religiooni seminari essee teemal olles.

physilophy

2009-10-07T23:20:00.001+03:00

Haha, mul tuli praegu meelde, kuidas kunagi füüsikatunnis ma küsisin M.-ilt 'kuhu lähevad sõnad peale kustutamist?' ja just sellel hetkel otsustas terve klass vait jääda. Just thought I'd share.

my hovercraft is full of eels

2009-10-07T22:51:00.003+03:00

I want a best buddy. o_o See kõlab väga imelikult ja lapsikult (ja on vaieldamatult kindlasti mõlemat), aga nii on. Nagu keskkoolis kujunes välja, et see üks inimene, kellega sul koguaeg n-ö. küljed koos on. xD Kuidagi speshul.

Ma peaksin tegelikult praegu jaapani keele tunni tarvis mingisugust kaiwat valmis kirjutama, aga ma üldse ei viitsi seda õpikut lahti teha ja süveneda praegu. x_x Täna üritasin korea tähestikust sotti saada natuke, suht põnev. Aga nüüd pea valutab jälle, nagu viimasel ajal suht igal õhtul.

Ema jätkuvalt kaudselt soovitab mulle aktiivset suguelu xD (kui ma ütlesin, et rasedusvastased plaastrid hoidsid mu näonahka korra ja nüüd nendelt mahaminemise tõttu on nahk nässus, siis ema ütles, et ehk hoidis seda korras hoopis aktiivne suguelu.. ja täna, kui ma ütlesin, et ma lähen retsepti nuruma, et siis asjad korda saada, ütles ema jälle, et jah.. või ehk on asi milleski muus. ;P)

Atashinchi no Danshi jdramas (mis nüüdseks on mul läbi ja mida julgen ka soovitada) tegi cameo Hard Gay, mis minu meelest oli kohutavalt naljakas. Äratundmisrõõm oli ka. I might have even clapped. Ta on nii võimatult haige. xD

shinanai tako

2009-10-06T23:45:00.003+03:00

Minult on küsitud, kust see sõnapaar, mida ma nüüdseks juba paljudes kohtades kasutan, pärit on. Eelmine õppeaasta oli meil tõlkepraktikum, kus me lugesime ja tõlkisime uuemat Jaapani luulet. Muude seas oli ka Hagiwara Sakutarō 'Shinanai tako' ehk siis 'surematu kaheksajalg', mis mulle kangesti südamesse läks. Ma olin enne kõik kanjid eraldi külmalt ära tõlkinud ja kirja pannud, kuna suutsin selle kodutöö jälle viimase hetke peale jätta. Ja kui ma siis trammis, teel kooli, hakkasin siis sõnu teades teksti tervikuna lugema, vapustas see mind. Lühidalt räägib see kaheksajalast, keda unustatakse sööta ning kes siis tükihaaval end täielikult ära sööb.. aga ei sure. Ma pole kunagi eriline luulefänn olnud, aga see läks väga hinge.

Järgnevat näevad kindlasti pooled vaid mittemidagiütlevate ruudukestena, aga kas või enda tarvis tahan selle kuhugi kättesaadavasse kohta jätta. Originaaltekst:

死なない蛸

　或る水族館の水槽で、ひさしい間、飢ゑた蛸が飼はれてゐた。地下の薄暗い岩の影で、青ざめた玻璃天井の光線が、いつも悲しげに漂つてゐた。
　だれも人人は、その薄暗い水槽を忘れてゐた。もう久しい以前に、蛸は死んだと思はれてゐた。そして腐つた海水だけが、埃つぽい日ざしの中で、いつも硝子窓の槽にたまつてゐた。
　けれども動物は死ななかつた。蛸は岩影にかくれて居たのだ。そして彼が目を覺した時、不幸な、忘れられた槽の中で、幾日も幾日も、おそろしい飢饑を忍ばねばならなかつた。どこにも餌食がなく、食物が全く盡きてしまつた時、彼は自分の足をもいで食つた。まづその一本を。それから次の一本を。それから、最後に、それがすつかりおしまひになつた時、今度は胴を裏がへして、内臟の一部を食ひはじめた。少しづつ他の一部から一部へと。順順に。
　かくして蛸は、彼の身體全體を食ひつくしてしまつた。外皮から、腦髓から、胃袋から。どこもかしこも、すべて殘る隈なく。完全に。
　或る朝、ふと番人がそこに來た時、水槽の中は空つぽになつてゐた。曇つた埃つぽい硝子の中で、藍色の透き通つた潮水（しほみづ）と、なよなよした海草とが動いてゐた。そしてどこの岩の隅隅にも、もはや生物の姿は見えなかつた。蛸は實際に、すつかり消滅してしまつたのである。
　けれども蛸は死ななかつた。彼が消えてしまつた後ですらも、尚ほ且つ永遠にそこに［＃「そこに」に傍点◎］生きてゐた。古ぼけた、空つぽの、忘れられた水族館の槽の中で。永遠に――おそらくは幾世紀の間を通じて――或る物すごい缺乏と不滿をもつた、人の目に見えない動物が生きて居た。

--萩原朔太郎

paraducks

2009-10-06T22:48:00.005+03:00

Nii palju asju on, millest ma tahaks kirjutada, kuid ei julge/suuda/taha. Vahepeal on väga apaatne ja masendav olla, mõni asi ajab jälle vihale (nagu G.-ga täna juhtunu, mis tekitab viha väga mitmel tasandil), mõni asi teeb haiget (neist tahaks/ei taha kohe eriti kirjutada), mõni asi paneb naeratama ja teeb südame soojaks.

Küsimus, kas kõigil on vaja seda teada. Kuigi loogiline järeldus on, et kedagi tegelikult ei huvitagi, siis sõna on ikkagi lind, keda peale lahti laskmist eriti kinni uuesti ei püüa ja kas siis lõpuks on öeldu tõttu rohkem või vähem kahetsust, kes teab.

Ma olen natuke segaduses, kuid mõnesmõttes on see hea. Lahendust igal juhul ei otsi, sest vahel on parem ilma selleta. Ometi nähtavasti unenägudes lahendan ma sama olukorda nüüd pea iga õhtu, sageli suht kurvalt. Eelneva öö unenägu oli aga.. hm. :)

Mõnesmõttes on liiga palju aega ja teisalt jälle liiga vähe.

Praetud viinerite isu tuli. D:

--

Thought I was being all witty-like with the title, bending words and such, and then I come upon this definition:

Paraduck
A teenage boy who does nothing but powerlevel in a MMORPG, post news articles about the MMORPG, and whose idea of roleplaying ends at pretending people like him.
Paraduck is a waste of carbon.

Oh, well.

Quote of the Day #1

2009-10-05T22:41:00.001+03:00

"Mida teeb huligaan, kui ta ei peksa kassi? Ta on ikka huligaan. Ta lihtsalt puhkab hetkel." - M.L. semiootikaloengus

ねぇ、知っている？

2009-10-03T01:07:00.000+03:00

why I watch jdramas

2009-10-02T14:16:00.002+03:00

paper stars!

2009-10-01T22:57:00.002+03:00

Gõhõhõhõõõ kui külm siin toas on.

Blogi välimus vajas uuendust ja.. siin ta on. Ja J., mulle meeldib pruun värv. xD

Anywho. Miks see nii on, et raudteest ühel pool on ilus ja puhas ja teisel pool on täielik hobotown? See oleks nagu mingi reegel. Siin samamoodi, siinpool on ilusad eramud ja rohelus, teisel pool raudteed tänavad, millest ma ei julge eriti õhtuti läbi minna, et koju jõuda. Hmh.

Nädalavahetus on käes! (vähemalt minu jaoks, kuna mul reedeti kooli ei ole)
Woot, I don't have to go to sleep. xD Viimasel ajal on see nii tüütu tegevus, uni ei taha ka mitu tundi tulla peale voodisseheitmist. Hommikuti on muidugi eriti hull uni.. mnjhm.

Ühesõnaga, tsill.

Muidu soovitan kõigil viimane Family Guy osa ära vaadata, kus Stewie ja Brian läbi dimensioonide seiklevad. Best. Episode. Ever. xD

sometimes I wanna call you

2009-09-28T21:21:00.002+03:00

Minu blogi lugejad (all two of you), kas teil on ühtegi lugu, mis tahes-tahtmata toob alati pisara silma, kui seda kuulete? Täitsa hakkas huvitama, sattusin Christina Aguilera - Hurt peale taaskord ja no võtab ikka silma vesiseks küll, ei aita midagi. Nii et, answer plz. Kui pole, siis öelge sedagi. :)

takotakotako!

2009-09-27T23:20:00.002+03:00

Mu unenäod on viimasel ajal suht.. bittersweet (seejuures eestikeelne vaste pähe ei tulnud ja kui ma sõnaraamatut vaatasin, siis andsin see vastuseks poolkibe, mis ei kõla üldse nii nagu vaja).

Ma olen pool õhtut lugenud MyLifeIsAverage'i ja nüüd kõik mu mõtted näivad sama vormi järgi tekkivat.

V. (ja kahe teise tüdruku) baibai party oli, kuna nad lähevad aastaks Jaapanisse õppima. Kui me G.-ga hakkasime ära minema, siis V. kallistas meid ja ütles G.-le ja mulle "kawaii!" "kakkoi!", respectively. Kui ma küsisin, miks ma "kakkoi" olen, siis ta natuke aega üritas sõnu leida ja lõpuks ütles, et kuna ma olen nagu "väike Hitler". Nähtavasti on H. noorte jaoks lahe. xD Igatahes soovin V.-le head ja paremat, südamest hea meel, et tal selline võimalus on. :) Ehk saab ise ka kunagi sinnamaale (mõne kuu pärast peaks vist tulema see aeg, kui saab teha testi, et sinna saada, kuid arvestades, kui palju häid õpilasi meie klassis on - ja neljanda aasta õpilasi, kes eelmine aasta ei saanud -, sis mul on nullilähedane võimalus.. but there's always next year.. and the year after that..)

Ma otsustasin hakata koguma huvitavaid jutulõike ja pilte kaheksajalgadest, kalmaaridest ja meduusidest. Ma ei tea, kuidas ma selle peale alles nüüd tulin, aga algus on tehtud MLIAst leitud lõiguga:

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I was thinking. I told him I was considering healthcare plans. In reality, I was wondering what it would be like to be an octopus. It would be awesome. MLIA.

Effing sweet.

2009-09-20T15:08:00.002+03:00

de·ceive
v. de·ceived, de·ceiv·ing, de·ceives
v.tr.
1. To cause to believe what is not true; mislead.
2. Archaic To catch by guile; ensnare.

something there

2009-09-19T16:18:00.002+03:00

Ma ei mõista väga hästi teisi inimesi. Ega ennast, for that matter. Mulle meeldis, kuidas FB'i Emotional IQ tulemus oli mul

When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.

Ja viimasel ajal on see mind täitsa häirima hakanud. Ma ei saa just eriti hea sõber olla, kellelegi raskel ajal toeks olla, kui ma lihtsalt ei mõista inimeste emotsioonidest tuhkagi. xD

In other news, mul oli hea meel kuulda, et emal oli hea meel, et hommikul kodu korras oli. xD She was positively thrilled. Ehk seetõttu, et ta on harjunud, kui lohakas ma tavaliselt olen.

Eile sai ka üle 4-5 aasta esimest korda uuesti Levikas käidud ja.. täitsa huvitav oli. Polegi nii pommiauk päris kui ma arvasin. Ja sai üle pika aja räägitud inimestega, keda ma polnud aastaid näinud. There's hope for Tallinn yet.

Tuju on oluliselt parem kui ta viimased ~nädal aega oli. Praegu pole nii kole tunne. Natuke, aga mitte overwhelmingly. Täitsa.. tore on.

"Tore" on nii huvitav sõna. Seda saab nii paljude asjade kohta kasutada ja ei tähenda nagu otseselt midagi. Ei anna väga midagi edasi. Tore.

Panin telefoni külge jullad tagasi ka. God how I've missed them. Südames olen ikka laps edasi.

Meil on nüüd kassid aias. Oranzh, keda ma olen varem maininud, ja üks must, kes pole üldse sõbralik. Oranzh ajas eile musta taga mööda meie aeda. Suht lol, tuletab Roid ja Lordut meelde. Samad värvid ka. Reborn?!

bahdah

2009-09-19T15:37:00.002+03:00

Sünnipäev on selleks aastaks jälle läbi. xD Eelmised aastad olen ma vist mingi b-day hauli postitused ka teinud, seekord väga pikka nimekirja nagu teha ei saa. Emmelt sain papud ja bikiinid ja seljakoti ja muud taolist nänni, vennalt sain sushi, V-lt ta vana digika (*glomphugglelove*, finally I has a thing that makes piccies!) ja raha. And then some more money.

Moneymoneymoney, is so funny D: in a rich man's world. For others, not so much.

I luff you guys, tho. Yer all wonderful. Sankjuu. :3

2009-09-14T20:32:00.001+03:00

闘う意思の無いものに幸せはめぐってこないのよ。

2009-09-14T18:25:00.002+03:00

moos

2009-09-08T19:02:00.002+03:00

Mulle meeldib, kuidas islandlastel on perekonnanimi 'isanimi-tütar/poeg'. Tahaks ka.

Eile oli suht korralik koolipäev.

Praegu jooksen arvuti ja köögi vahet, üritan ülepannipannkooke teha. D: Suht feil.

Ja enam ei jookse.

Agajeah, esmaspäeval sai peale loenguid ka kamba jaapanlastega tsillitud ja sain jaapanikeelse Nana volüümi. D: Is wunderbar. Samuti õpetasid nad meile veidi origamit ja nüüd on mul samurai peakattega pingviin kapi peal. D:

Em.. esimene proseminarivärk räägiti ka ära ja nüüd on veel hirmsam. Ganbarou~

Punu valutab.

2507

2009-09-05T21:53:00.001+03:00

I felt you in my life before I ever thought to
Feel the need to lay down beside you and tell you
I feel you in my heart, and I don't even know you
And now we're saying bye

screwdriver'd

2009-09-05T13:15:00.003+03:00

Baah. Ma sain praegu aru, et mu pension ei tulegi täna üle, kuna iga sügis ma pean pensioniametisse viima tõendi, et ma käin koolis, et seda saada. ToT Aah so broke.

Ma ükspäev mõtlesin teha mingit wishlisti, sünnipäeva tarvis (I don't like surprises). Siis aga ma sain aru, kuivõrd mõttetu see oleks, sest kõik asjad, mis ma tahan, maksavad lihtsalt *liiga* palju. Motoroller, ~10'' läpakas, reis Inglismaale/Šotimaale, digikas (aasta 2009 ja meil pole ühtegi digikat olnud peres, wtf?) jne. Raha on alati tore. Samas, nagu J. mõni päev tagasi meelde tuletas, ka kingid, mis on hästi läbi mõeldud. Aga a la mingisugused kaisukarud või muu random on.. bleh. xD Siis parem säästke enda raha, keep it.

Mõtlen ikka sünnipäeva pidada, kuigi iga kord, kui ma selle peale mõtlema hakkan, muudab see mind ärevaks. Inimesed kavatsevad igavusse surra. Ja nälga. Aga vähemalt rummi peaks olema, vist. o_O

Mh. Eile õhtu oli tore, sai paari inimesega (J., J., M., R., A.) filme passitud.. seekord ei pidanudki ma esimese bussiga kuskilt ära minema, kui hea. xD

Esmaspäevast siis kooli.. ja samal päeval on mingi parteh jaapanlaste grupiga ka, so is coo. o_o Ja siis tuleb meie eriala pidu ja paar päeva hiljem vist M.-i ja V. pidu ja siis.. minu oma (ugh) ja mingi hetk peaks EHI pidu ka tulema, kuhu see aasta ma küll igal juhul lähen. =_= Vähemalt tegevust on.

Brrr kui külm siin toas on. Ühesõnaga, trenni.

like a craptor

2009-08-31T18:47:00.003+03:00

o___o

Ma olen pool päeva tunniplaani ümber jauranud. Ja otsustanud, et proseminari vist tõesti peab nüüd ära tegema - eelmine aasta sai juba edasi lükatud. Mis aga tähendab, et ma lükkan suurema koormuse kevadsemestri peale, et proseminariga tegelemise jaoks sügissemestril aega jätta. xD (noh, õnneks seekord polegi nagu midagi võtta ega jätta, eks)

Ühesõnaga, minu praegune potentsiaalne tunniplaan:

Esmaspäev
12:00 Jaapani keel kesktasemele S-523 7EAP
14:00 Sissejuhatus semiootikasse M-218 4EAP

Teisipäev
12:00 Jaapani keel kesktasemele S-415
14:00 Proseminar 3EAP

Neljapäev
12:00 Jaapani keel kesktasemele M-328
14:00 Omaeluloolisus jaapani kirjanduses T-522 3EAP?

14-16.09 10:00-13:00 Jaapani kirjanduse ja religiooni seminar 3EAP

Kolmapäev ja reede mõlemad vabad? o_o
I think I'm doing something wrong.

2009-08-31T15:51:00.001+03:00

smit⋅ten /ˈsmɪtn/

–adjective
1. struck, as with a hard blow.
2. grievously or disastrously stricken or afflicted.
3. very much in love.